Sorry for the length of this post but just wanted to throw it out there and see what the lovely people of EC think I should do. And I'm new here so hello! This all takes a bit of explaining so please bear with me and apologies for the poor grammar I’ve typed this out in a free-flowing rant. I'm a 26 year old British girl currently in a difficult situation. I had to reset my life a few months ago moving back to the small town I was brought up in after living in a city for 4 years. The plan was to get some kind of decent job, save up to do a bit of travelling, learn to drive then apply for graduate schemes/better jobs and then get my own place. But at the moment I feel lost. I've managed to find a job I enjoy although the pay is terrible. I've never belonged in this town it’s claustrophobic, there are hardly any LGBT people around or easy to find. I joined a gay meet-up but everyone brings their friends/partners that they already have so I just feel like a spare part and it’s only every month or so and they all drive and live in towns further away. I want to find people who I can socialise with regularly who I have enough in common with to get close to but I’m beginning to think at this stage of my life that will be impossible and I’m always going to be alone. The people in the town are not my kind of people, they're so Northern. (By this I mean uneducated, small-minded, even bigoted and boring) I might have the accent but I don't have the attitude. I have a sense of adventure and have hobbies and interests that are different to everyone around me, I clearly belong in a city. I'm constantly terrified of bumping into someone from school in which I had the worst years of my life so joining meet-ups is difficult because there's very likely going to be someone from my past I don't want to talk to. And there aren’t even many clubs/meet-ups to join. I had difficulty in even finding a job as it’s one of the worst parts of the UK to live. My work colleagues are all way older than me and the ones that are closer to my age have kids and have settled down and just LOVE living in the town. I hate being here. I have my Mum and we're really close which is great but me and my Dad don't see eye to eye so it's difficult living with them and especially when you're used to being independent. I started driving lessons but at the same time as training for my job so I got stressed out, my instructor also wasn't right for me he made me feel even more nervous than I already was so for the time being I've put them on hold. This has made me depressed as I feel I've stopped the one thing that's going to get me out of here and I'm stuck here for even longer. I had to leave the city as I'd graduated uni and was terribly unhappy, I hadn't even wanted my degree in the first place it just happened by accident (another long story) and I lost touch with all my close friends due to coming out. I didn't take the realisation of being gay very well and was unkind to myself, whereas my friends became happy, successful, found love, different interests etc. and we just drifted apart. So I had to move back here. Any sort-of friends I had from here have moved on with their lives and moved away from the town because it has nothing for them as I feel too. So in a nutshell I'm in a good place in that I can save money on rent/bills whilst working on myself especially driving because of the freedom that allows, but have no friends and have no real way of making any as the town is devoid of anything interesting or people I can get along with. I’ve thought of going on online dating but am afraid no one will date me if its long distance (there’s barely anyone from my area online and I’m gay so it’s even harder) and especially because I’m living with my parents, even though its temporary they’ll think I’m a scrounger or lazy. This is on top of the fact that I’ve never had a long term relationship due to pursuing a career obsessively that didn’t work out, hence why I’m now so impatient to catch up on life that I’ve missed and I’m struggling. I now have a couple of months of no real progression on my goals, going to work, coming home and then socialising with my Mum and or people who I can’t form a close bond with. I’m relatively still young and should be making the most of it by travelling, going to places seeing things, but how can I when I have no friends, no partner and stuck in a dead end wasteland? All I can think is to get another tattoo and buy a laptop as that will make me feel about better about myself and better organised. I would look for a job elsewhere an then move but I know that I’ll never be able to afford driving lessons which these days I really need and I won’t be able to save as quickly for travel and/or deposit on a flat etc. Maybe I can’t see the wood for the trees, but I just don’t know what to do next and need to get some other opinions. Any questions I’ll happily answer and any advice would be very appreciated. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this.
