I have a male friend that I have known since last September. Let's call him M. We are in a college ministry called Chi Alpha. And he's my bible study leader as well. Anyway, I've been noticing since last November signs that my friend might be either gay or bi or curious: 1. He hardly references about females except if they are of other friends' relationships. 2. Hasn't had a girlfriend to the best of my knowledge. 3. He gets a little "too close" to other male friends(not myself) in having his hand in their lap and plays a little tickle touch game with other male friends. 4. I didn't do this but, my friend and two other male friends played "Strip Smash," a game of Smash Brothers and the loser removed an article of clothing each time they died in the game. The whole game had a slight homoerotic element to it. 5. M and his other male friend and old roommate J off and on take their shirts off to wrestle. He "flirted" with J one time on the phone and called him "baby." Now, J isn't gay, he's straight and is getting married to a girl this coming Saturday. 6. Whenever I'm around M, I sense some vibe that he isn't 100% straight. Whenever I'm around other male friends in my ministry, 99.9% of them are straight. I just get the vibe from M that he's not completely straight. Now I'm not going to ask M if he's gay or bi or curious because I feel he may just want to know why I want to know. I'm only interested in knowing because the way he acts. The only thing close to asking if he was gay or straight or whatever, was when I enquired about the way he flirts and acts with J. He just said that's "how bros are" and referring it's platonic, not homoerotic." The other reason I'm not going to ask M if he's gay or bi or curious is he takes his Christian beliefs literally. He quotes the Bible a couple of times and is evangelical. And everyone in the ministry, for the most part, I can tell is evangelical. I have a theory that M is not entirely straight but rather curious. He's not out to people in the ministry but rather "jokes" the way he does as some sort of way to express himself sexually within a certain boundary he doesn't cross. I also have a theory that M may have been gay or maybe bi before he entered this ministry and may never disclose that. Now I'm not going to ask him if he was or not, that' none of my business. I was only interested in talking about this, because it's been on my mind for a while and I just wanted some feedback on this from you all.
Honestly, the best way to know is to ask him. If he wants you to know anything about his sexuality, he'll tell you. And if he doesn't, he'll probably lie. It's not really easy to ask (which is silly, it shouldn't be so weird, but it is, unfortunately.) and it's not so easy for everyone to talk about. Just do your best
Could be one way or the other from what you've said. A lot of what you've said can be explained by other factors; I've met a lot of people involved in church work who seem to not be straight but it's just their upbringing. Some of them are very restrained; others don't have the same reservations about being familiar with other guys. What I will say is having such restraining boundaries like the Church does means people aren't allowed and don't allow themselves to be curious in their sexuality, leading to more and more overt ways of trying to express this without being obvious. Ultimately, I'd say he's more likely curious but, honestly, you're more informed than me to make a guess on this.
I still think my friend M is curious. Like for instance, this week we had worship service and he wrapped his arms around my arm and his other straight male friend's arm for a few minutes. He talked openly about playing "Strip Smashed"(playing Super Smash Bros while removing clothes when losing a life on the game) with other guys. And he never mentions about having past girlfriends or hardly refers to women. I get the sense at the minimum he's curious but indirectly expresses his sexuality within a limit that doesn't cross into a certain boundary.
I had an interesting conversation with M on Thursday night. The question of politics came up and he identifies himself as "Independent Socialist" as well as a Christian. He favors a wide variety of reforms in socio-political society. Regarding his stance on LGBT policies, he did appear liberal on gay marriage to some degree. He's against abortion policies of Planned Parenthood but he's for other programs they offer.
Honestly, he could be straight or he could be curious or he could be completely repressed. Anything's possible. I literally convinced myself i was just a modest conservative 'christian' straight girl back in middle and high school. Which led to me just plain never dating at all cause i had no interest in guys, but in my head this was explained away as being studious instead of boy crazy. My point? If he's curious and he's not ready to tell you...he won't tell you. If he's LGBT but repressed...you can see all the signs right there but he can't see them yet. And of course there's the possibility he's actually straight. Idk and you can speculate but this is something even he may or may not know himself.
