Straight male friend acting very strangely around me

This can easily be a typical reaction to him realizing that you are quote, "off the market" or "unavailable."

He probably harbored some feelings, or at least interest in you from early on in your working relationship, and was hoping to work up the courage to ask you out. And despite you telling him you were a Lesbian, he nonetheless did ask you out, perhaps under the guise of a "friends night out," as a way to gauge if you really were a lesbian or not, or if he might be able to convince you to give him a shot despite that.

That may all sound a bit hard to believe, or perhaps a bit too sneaky for him, but men can think in these terms. We're a desperate lot sometimes, whether we're gay or straight.

In any case, what appears to have happened is that this "date" you two spent together revealed something that he wasn't too happy about finding out, or realizing, or discovering about you. And so now he has chosen to stay away from you--unless absolutely necessary--because he may feel frustrated that he can't pursue you further, or angry at you because he wasn't good enough to make you swing the other way in his case. Or, perhaps it's less harsh than all that, and he simply feels embarrassed at himself for trying to take a lesbian out on a date when he knew nothing would come of it.

Despite all I've said, I would hold off and wait to see how things progress from here over another week or two. There may come a point where he confronts you about the reasoning for his stand-offish nature of late, or he may eventually move on to another job and nothing more will come of it. You may end up losing a friend from this and you may think it's all really stupid, but it's not always easy to try and think of things from the other person's perspective, especially if you firmly believe things are going well.

My only curiosity, though, did anything in particular happen during that dinner and small concert "date" you two had? Did he ask you any odd questions? Did he try to flirt with you in any way? Did it seem like his mood changed as the night went on? Or did anything else regarding his behavior seem out of the ordinary?

 

Great answer Missy. I recall once in my early twenties I was interested in a woman only to find out she was gay. Before I knew I would chat with her and would try to be a gentleman. I thought about asking her out but hadn't gotten to that point when I found this out.

It did kick off something in me. I didn't know many LGBT people and the ones I did know were the sort of out there types. She was the first one I knew who wasn't obviously gay. It made her seem even more exotic and interesting than before. When I tried to talk with her after that I wanted to be interesting too (still hoping there might be a chance) and I'd just ramble like an idiot. Eventually I stopped trying to chat her up because I was just embarrassing myself.
Her being unattainable definitely helped to increase her attractiveness.

Not sure how much that relates to your friend's situation. He almost certainly likes you and is dealing with that. At least he's not one of those who gets all bent out of shape and becomes a raging lunatic over it. Minimal contact to give himself some space may be the right thing. Let him have that. Don't do anymore dates. He needs it to sink it that he will never have that kind of relationship with you.

 

I'll second what MM said above. I've been that guy, although I hope not with the day-after-freeze. But gay girls are fun to be around, they might not be 100% gay, they have cute friends themselves... lots of good reasons to be friends and not just acquaintances.

But also to reiterate MM, we are sometimes just desperate, and it renders things awkward.

 

Hopefully you can both have a good laugh over it someday. In the meantime let it be a confidence booster. A guy liked you for you. So much so that he got a little stupid over it even. LoL.

The end of my story is I was coming back to my dormitory one night and that woman lived down the hall from me. As I walked to my door she was ahead of me with another pretty young woman. We saw each other, smiled and waved. She opened her door and held it for the woman in a way that made me recognize that this was not a friend but likely the end of a date. It stung a little but I was happy for her too. This was in the military in the 90s which was a tough spot if you weren't straight. But she had managed to find someone.

 

I haven't even read anything past the topic title, but some life advice: if a person is not out, do not bother investing any time or energy. You'll avoid a lot of headaches that way.