Yesterday, I was forced to come out to my parents. They've honestly known for awhile but I really wasn't ready to be out to them (My sister reacted horribly and I'm working through some depression and can't take the same reaction from them). But yesterday, they found a text and I couldn't deny it any longer. They reacted much better than I thought they would. They aren't mad and told me they love me no matter what. I'm not being kicked out. But my family is seriously Christian. (I am too, but I disagree about homosexuality) My dad told me whenever I come out to my incredibly homophobic extended family, they won't stick up for me if anything negative is said. My mother spent five minutes telling me she felt a Satanic presence in my room that left me so scared, I genuinely was afraid to sleep in my room. And when I was talking to my mother about the fact I am gay she said she knew I'm not really, and that one day I'll realize I love boys the way a good Christian girl should. I just feel really shaken and I don't know how to deal with all of this. I wasn't ready and I wish they didn't know but I don't want to lie any longer. Is there anything I can do to make this better?
Hey kiddo. Sorry you got outed. You sound to me like a great kid. I hope you know there is nothing wrong with you. There is no satanic presence in you or your house. That "sensing demonic presence" bit has been around for a long time and it is utter garbage. People in my church used to pull that for all kinds of things they didn't like. Next time someone tries to pull that one on you ask them for their biblical reference that explains why God gave them this superpower. (hint: there is no biblical backing for people doing that) As for the comment about them not sticking up for you with the rest of the family. As a father I would remind them that that is absolutely their job to stick up for you. They don't agree with your "lifestyle" or whatever? That's fine. As your parents they can talk to you about it all they want. But if other family are going to try to chime in, or even harass you, about personal matters your parents should be telling them to butt out. What you can do to make it better? Well you can't put the genie back in the bottle as they say. Not knowing you or your family situation it's tough to give advice. Here's a couple ideas. Confident: You don't worry about who knows what. You are who you are and you know that your path is going to help you grow and develop into an even stronger person. You don't explain, you don't apologize. Safe: Hunker down until you are old enough to move out. Don't talk about any LGBT anything. Maybe focus on school and church. Once you're out of the house you can start exploring.
Hey Edelweiss, I’m sorry that your Coming Out to your parents was forced and I’m really sorry that they are so unaccepting of your sexuality. At least, like you said, they aren’t disowning you or kicking you out of the house – but that’s might be small comfort if they constantly judge you and make negative remarks to you for being who you are while live with them. You didn’t say how old you are, but if you are still a minor and/or dependent on them, you might want to consider retracting your statement and just telling them that it was, in fact, ‘a phase’ but that you are over it. I’m certainly not recommending that you do that right now, but I offer it as something you may want to think about if it gets too hard to live with your parents’ unacceptance. There are a couple of good threads here on EC that discuss Christianity and being homosexual. You may want to check them out. They may help you feel more comfortable with yourself and also provide a basis if you decide you want to argue with your parents about their assumption that being homosexual is against Christianity. http://emptyclosets.com/forum/sexual-romantic-orientation/49316-my-advice-about-being-lgbt-christian-very-long.html http://emptyclosets.com/forum/sexual-romantic-orientation/65350-bible-tells-me-being-gay-wrong-now-i-just-dont-know-what-do.html#post1101418 More concerning would be if they decide to try to send you to a conversion camp/reparative therapy. I don’t know if you are familiar with reparative therapy or not, but it’s basically where they try to get you to ‘change’ your sexual orientation. It doesn’t work. It has been discredited. And depending on the organization/people doing it, it can cause very real physical and mental harm to the people LGBTQ they are trying to ‘convert’ to heterosexuality. I certainly hope your parents won’t ever consider that a possibility, but it’s something that you should be aware and be prepared to fight against. I certainly hope that I haven't bummed you too much, though. In many cases, parents, even strongly religious parents such as yours, can come around to accepting their LGBTQ children in time. I wish you only good things!
Thank you both for your advice. I really appreciate it. Right now, I think I'm okay. But I also don't think I've fully processed them knowing yet. As for the conversion therapy, I actually know quite a bit about it. I had to do a project on it for school. While I was doing it, I asked their opinion about it. My mother works in a psych hospital for some pretty messed up kids and she is very against it because she knows its incredibly harmful. I can't see either of them trying to put me in it, but I will be on the look out for it, just in case they get desperate. I will also check out those threads, thank you for sharing them! I'm always looking for support like that.
That's a big relief! I'm extremely glad that that really isn't something you have to worry about at this point!
Well at least your mother has some experience and knowledge from outside of church. Be on the lookout for allies. It's commendable that you want to be honest and out. You also have to think about your health and safety. You really need to be discerning about who you're telling. Best of luck.
I know this is of little comfort...but the passing of time might help. After your parents get used to the reality, they might start becoming more accepting. ---------- Post added 28th Feb 2017 at 02:11 PM ---------- This might work. Another possibility is to claim to hear a call to a life of celibacy. That, however, would probably work better with some parents than others. But it might work for a parent worrying about the "sin" of gay sex.
