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closeted significant other

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by donut, Feb 27, 2017.

  1. donut

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2017
    Messages:
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    Location:
    milwaukee
    So Ive been seeing this guy for about a year now and we get along great and I am crazy in love with him. The only problem is is that hes not out and I am and literally no one knows except two people who found out by prying at him. Its been really hard because I want to be with him and share it with my friends and family because it makes me so happy but I can do that to him because its not something that I can change you know? I do tell him how I feel and especially at the times when it is really really hard but I think it hurts him too because I know he doesnt choose to not come out he just doesnt feel ready. Its just getting harder and harder for me and it feels almost like Im back in the closet and I have no one to turn to for this because I really dont want him to know how much it hurts me to be shoved away from everyone like a dirty secret.

    Some more info: I am friends with his friends and he is friends with mine but that is the extent how what people know, they just think we are friends including my roommates and family. We have to sneak around and he wont do anything, even hug me, if theres a chance that someone is around and could see. We are very happy together like I said aside from this
     
  2. Aspen

    Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2014
    Messages:
    1,470
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    Location:
    Ohio
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Talk to him, not just about coming out but how being a secret makes you feel. I don't mean pressuring him in some way to come out but there's nothing wrong with asking him how he feels about it. Does he ever plan to come out? Is there some kind of compromise that the two of you could come up with? For instance, would you be able to come out to your family while still allowing him to come out to his on his own time? Could you start with a friend or two that you both particularly trust?

    I'm the closeted one in my relationship but everyone in my girlfriend's life has always known about us. Our families and friend groups don't mix, though, so it's easy to keep them exclusive. It sucks but it helps to talk about it.