So this story kinda has some weird components to it. But I'll try to explain to the best of my abilities. I'm part of a pretty large community of people who play online games, and everyone communicates over Skype. Over a year ago now, I met a boy that I really liked. (I should also mention I am 19 and he is 18). The problems however, were that he lives across the country from me (I'm on the east coast and he's on the west coast), the fact that his parents are against him talking to people online, and the fact that he was straight. But I ended up falling very hard for him. We started to talk on the phone every day and would stay up super late together, and we somehow became best friends. He's now an extremely important person in my life. For a few months I didn't think I had a chance with him, but then over the summer he told me he liked guys, which surprised me because I really thought he was straight. So yay, every gay guy's dream that the best friend they like that they thought was straight wasn't straight after all right? Well, he was still uncomfortable with it, and I'm almost certain he does like girls still, but he hasn't labeled himself. Which is perfectly fine because labels are dumb, but I'm pretty sure he won't label himself because he's afraid of being something that isn't straight. And while he's at this point said out loud he's not straight, he seems very uncomfortable labelings. Now, I'm the only person he's told, and this has been over half a year now of me knowing. After he told me, I had asked him if our friendship was platonic or romantic. And while we didn't initially start to date, we said we would see where things go because we both admitted romantic feelings for each other, and we decided to become exclusive. So for a few months we practically treat each other as boyfriends, but right after the New Year, he ends up telling me he doesn't want to date a guy. He also throws in that he doesn't want long distance. But I'm kinda calling bullshit on the long distance because he would always tell me how he didn't care about the distance, and we're supposed to be meeting up for almost a week this summer and then would try to meet up during our winter break in college (he would be a freshman in college next semester and I will be a junior in college). I know he's very afraid of his parents knowing he isn't straight. He's an only child and feels pressured to do well 24/7, they're conservative and homophobic, and he goes to a Catholic school where majority of his friends are also conservative. And while he feels like some of them wouldn't care, he tells me the school is so small that secrets get out immediately if you tell anyone anything. We've had talks about the relationship working, and he's told me that nothing about me makes him want to say no to trying, and that it's everything about me that does make him want to say yes because he really does like me. So now I'm just confused because we aren't dating, but we still do not treat each other platonically. We call each other every day after school, try to call at night, text and snapchat throughout the day anyway, and just have this very genuine connection. I don't normally get feelings for people and if I do I don't want to date them. I'm just not a romantic. But honestly I'm pretty sure at this point I'm in love and I don't know why the hell I want to date a boy across the country, but I do. I've never had this type of chemistry with someone before, and he says the same. I'm afraid of losing it. And I think he's afraid of us working. Because he's told me he thinks that we could work. But I think he's worried that if we do work, then that will be the catalyst for him having to come out. Which I feel bad about, and I don't know if I'm being selfish for it. I just want him to be happy, but I also want us to work. He seems convinced he'll never have to come out because he could just end up with a girl, and I think me being in the equation potentially will force him out of the closet. I just need any advice at all, because our friendship still seems like we're boyfriends. And I don't know where to go from here. He's so important to me, and I would really love for something work out.
