Hi, I've been best friends with this guy for about 6 years. We're both gay. Steve and I do have a bit in common. Went to school together and studied the same subject. Similar political views, movie interests, tv shows, etc. I'm in a LTR. "Steve" and I were always close friends.....except anytime he gets into a relationship. In the 6 years we've been friends, he's been in two serious relationships. The first relationship he was in lasted a year, and during the year he was in that relationship, he completely disappeared. I also met his boyfriend at a party.....along with everyone else. When they split after a year, "Steve" reappeared. Fast forward a few years, he's been in a relationship since the Fall 2015......and "Steve" has disappeared again. The last communication we had was from a text in September 2016; the last serious conversation we had was probably in April 2016; last time we actually hung out was in May 2016. However, he seems to not be too busy to spend all of his time with his boyfriend or his boyfriend's friends (I know this because I see the pictures on Facebook). I actually confronted him about this earlier in 2016, about not hanging out as much, as tactfully as possible. Needless to say, not much changed at all. His current boyfriend, who I am sure is a nice guy, is a Latin American immigrant and doesn't speak or understand a word of English, except for a few common phrases (ie, where is the bathroom? what time is it? etc.). Needless to say, if me and my BF or me and other friends hang out with Steve and his BF, there is such a language and cultural gap with Steve's BF that it is impossible to bridge (and none of us are fluent or can carry on a conversation with him). It's not like we are trying to be rude, we just can't carry on a conversation with him and talk about stuff that friends talk about.....politics, weather, hopes/dreams/fears, bullshitting, joking, etc. "Steve" seems to be the only friend I have who can't balance a relationship with being friends. I have friends who have recently gotten married or had children, and I've seen those friends more since their major life event than I have seen "Steve" in a year. Flakey? Can't balance relationship / friendship? Something else? I'm not sure. But if I have other friends who I can see who are new to relationships (and they haven't fallen off the face of the earth), then surely Steve can. I miss him and think about a lot, but in many ways life has gone on without him. Do I make one last effort and say something.....or just write him and the friendship off? Good friendships as adults are hard to come by, so I hate to split, but in many ways, he already has.
I would go with another option all together. While it sucks that you guys can't hang out as often as you used to, its also completely fine to have different types of friends. You can have the people who you can count on all the time, the people that are fun just for drinks, and good friends who you see only once every so often. If its a good friend and its a friendship that you want to keep around, then just make the conscious decision that you just expect him to show up when he is single. And then focus your energy into friends who you can count on more often and for more serious stuff. That way your needs are taken care of and then every so often you can hang out with your friend and still have a good time.
