Okay so I've been in a relationship with a guy for like 3-4 months. He's a really great guy and we both really did like each other. However... There's a ton going on in his life. He wasn't able to put in the time or effort into a relationship anymore because there's a ton going on in his family. He's had to cancel dates many times and he has been more quite later on. I was becoming quite in need of talks with my friends about it, because it was bothering me a lot (and I knew it wasn't necessarily his fault). Eventually, he realized just how much it was bothering me and we agreed that for the best of both of us, it's best if we break up. He has to put his attention more to the problems in his life. He did say things like "it's not your fault", "you deserve better", "you deserve someone who can see you when he promises", "I never meant to hurt you" He even insisted on calling instead of texting because he didn't want to do that over text. So yeah, he is a great guy who I do not regret dating. We did agree to be friends. We're still keeping our Snapchat streak, I'm still going to see him perform in the musical he's in, and we're not going to cut each other out of each other's lives. We are in good terms, especially because we both agree it's not the other one's fault. Now, I am thankful that we could break up on good terms. if this was a bad breakup, I probably would have been much more hurt by it. But... I'm not sure what to do at this point. I know I need to move on, but my feelings are still there and probably will be for quite a while. A big part of me is wondering if I'll find another guy as great as him. He really did make me raise my standard for guys... Now I really do look for someone who will treat me right, be compassionate, take relationships seriously and be in it for more than just sex. Another part of me wonders if we'll get back together, because we didn't break up on bad terms and most of this was because of outside forces. Has anyone ever broken up in this way before? Where it wasn't because of the people in the relationship, but it was because of just how outside forces were working out?
Hey there, I personally haven't been in that situation. My only relationship ended badly. But, my sister was in a relationship with a guy, for about the same time you were. They broke up on good terms as he didn't want to do the long distance relationship, and he was going into the army. They didn't remain friends when they broke up...however, he said much of the same things your ex said to you. In the end, he kept pursing her, and they have been on and off, but now he is willing to do the long distance thing. When they were off, my sister didn't shut the door on dating. She ended up meeting a guy, who wasn't that great--didn't keep promises, which ultimately lead her to go back to the long distance relationship. It did teach her that there are certain things in a relationship that should be expected. I wouldn't cut yourself off from dating. It's a gamble on who you will end up with, but if it's the right person you will know. You don't owe anyone going on a date, and you shouldn't delay finding your own happiness for the possibility that you may get back together with your ex. I understand that you will need a healing time, and take as much as you need. But from personal experience, it is hard to get over someone romantically that you have contact with on the daily.
Thank you for the response I feel like I'm starting to count on the idea of getting back together, but no matter the case, I know this time apart is very important. If we stayed together, our relationship would have just gotten worse. Maybe time apart will let us organize our thoughts and figure things out? Or maybe we'll just learn to move on? Regardless, I really do feel the need to not lose contact with him, but I also know he needs time to figure things out in his life. I feel like there is a way to make our relationship work, but we still need time apart to figure things out. He's going through a very hard time in his life, and I know it really is the best for him to put his attention elsewhere. Somehow though, I think about the possibility of a few months down the line when maybe things get better on his end or he learns to manage his time and make room for a relationship. I hope I'm not getting my hopes up for nothing. This was my first relationship and I really never learned to deal with a break up before.
I think I'll make the decision to attempt to get back together with him. I'll give it a few weeks, say a total of 3 weeks, and then talk to him about it. I feel like what I really needed from this is time to clear my mind, and I feel like maybe that's what he needed too. I talked to my friend a lot, and she says he probably only broke up because he cared so much about me and that he really didn't want to break up.
