I'm really mad at my parents lately, particularly my Dad. My Dad is very politically conservative, and I've been thinking about it and I've come to the conclusion that he basically indoctrinated me to be very conservative like him. I think this was one of the main reasons that it took so long for me to come out to myself. He was so conservative, and had such disdain for anything he deemed to be a "liberal" viewpoint, and LGBT rights were one of the things he disdained the most. Thankfully, my parents were supportive of me when I came out last year. But they are both still very conservative on issues other than gay marriage, which they now support given that I'm gay. And I spend a lot of time with them, and my Dad and I used to discuss conservative politics a lot before I came out. But...the fact that my past conservatism contributed to my repression of my sexuality has made me have a lot of resentment toward that worldview, and I'm becoming more liberal on various issues. And even though my parents are okay with me being gay, I still feel like they're pressuring me to be super-conservative. And it's getting old, and making me upset. My parents regularly bash people for being liberals. The way I'm acting now -- pretending to be more conservative around them than I really am -- reminds me of how I used to pretend to be straight when I was in the closet.
Maybe you could try talking to them about this specifically as an issue related to being gay. It sounds like they have a variety of opinions on a lot of social/political topics, so trying to deal with it all at the same time might be unlikely to calm anything down. You could try to get them to explain why they believe what they do about a given issue. Even if you disagree with them on their conclusion/viewpoint, it could help you understand their views if you understand what sort of evidence or input they are basing their views on. It might also give you a chance to say what sort of experiences you're basing your own views on. Of course, if they support gay marriage, you could try to point out that they actually have something in common with people who don't consider themselves conservative, if you think they would be receptive. On the other hand, it could simply be the case that getting some breathing room from the issues would help. It doesn't solve the disagreements, but asking them if they could avoid talking about politics might give all of you a chance to do, and talk about, other things together - and remember that you have some of those interests in common, too, as opposed to focusing on where you are different. A few different approaches - hope one of them helps!
Thanks for your advice...I honestly despise them right now. There were so many opportunities for me to be able to realize I was gay, but they were so conservative and homophobic that I couldn't even face the reality of my own sexuality. I used to be close with them but I feel so betrayed and I just can't get over how much they messed up my life. It makes me so sad.
I think that's totally understandable. While it's best, of course, to focus on what's ahead and not on missed opportunities you may have had in the past, feeling like you've been betrayed, etc., sounds pretty rational from what you've described. In a way, I think it's a common feeling, even if you're experiencing it a bit more than usual. When we come out, others around us are processing the information for the first time, but for us it's old news. So there are bound to be different views, feelings, stages of processing, and so on. All that said, what do you personally have the power to change or affect, at this point?
