In October I came out as bi to my husband. We have a long history of this conversation (he knew I was bi but asked if it could just be us at the beginning of us dating because he has been left by women for other women in the past and it's a deep wound for him) but I have essentially repressed this and 'lied' to him about it since we first got together. I have been claiming to be straight for 5 years I only realized I am quite attracted to women (especially gay women... probably because I feel safe in their desires for me?) when I was surprised to have romantic feelings for a long time friend of mine with whom I used to have 3somes with her and her husband. Sex was just with him, kissing and cuddling and such with her. I left this scenario because I didn't like their relationship dynamic (he took advantage of her work ethic and was a sex addict). And after leaving, began dating the man who is now my husband of 5 years. So in October I asked my husband if I could try dating women. He said yes, but things happened too fast for him to be comfortable and have completely fallen apart between us. I connected too well with the first girl I met. I found out that I prefer pleasuring a woman more than a man, although I am very capable of herteromance and my husband and I have had plenty of great sex. I have been sooooo confused about my sexuality since. I questioned everything, and that made him more afraid than I ever realized. I thought we were solid and that he would want to be with me thru anything. I am the kind of bi sexual woman who unfortunately gives bisexuals a bad rep. I have been missing the touch and emotional connection with a woman for so long and am afraid of missing that deeply again in the future of our marraige. I feel bad that I prefer a women's hands and prefer to kiss women. He insists that any future female partner of mine must be someone that is shared (another bisexual, into 3somes... something we haven't done together and I am afraid of because of some traumas in my past). I am more turned on by women and am not turned on by the idea of watching him have sex with another woman. He demands to know if I can commit to him. He says I have been selfish and that he can't trust me to not hurt him in the future. I don't blame him. I want to be able to commit fully to him, he is a really great guy. I'm just so afraid of my own desires and confused sexuality! It is all falling apart. I have bought time and bought time to try and figure myself out but I feel so conflicted. He cannot handle my wishy washy ways and is going to leave me this week if I don't give him what he needs. We are both hurting deeply and I do not know what to do with myself.
