Hey, I don't know how I start. But I will start somewhere. On an online-dating website I met a girl (I'm a girl, too, just for clarification) about 3 months ago now. And she totally swooped me off my feet. She -on the other hand- says she feels nothing for me and she doesn't know what to do with me/can't do anything with me. There was an incidence in the way I acted towards her and I screwed up with her. I get that. And I can live with the fact that she will never be with me. I think I moved on on that (please tell me if I'm wrong thinking that). May it be her fault because she isn't emotionally avaible for anyone or me -for acting the way I did- it doesn't matter at this point. And yet, I still like her. I don't know what this feeling is. I think very fond of her and whenever I talk about her to other people I can't help but only speak in high regards of her. Even if she -in reality- is just another nerd out there she caught my heart and touched a part of my soul that no one ever has touched yet and she let me relive my past in a very soft and happy way that I haven't in a while. I know we had very good conversations. I know we had fun talking to each other. And yet, she says those things meant nothing to her and it's so normal for her to get confessions from people she barely knows. And that's totally okay with me. I just don't understand if she really turned cold or has always been this way. If she is just pushing me away because I hurt her (even if she says that wasn't the case) and that I can't have discussions with her without getting upset. Anytime I tried to say that I mean something to her she said that wasn't the case. And yet, [at the time when she said she would just feel nothing for me if I kept texting her (and I was so ok with that, because at that time it was a thousand times better than nothing from her)] she was there when I needed her. She tried her best to cheer me up and make me feel better. And I did. Just by talking to her. She gave me so much and didn't expect one thing in return. I should just be happy that such a person exists but I don't want to walk away from her. It's been almost a month since she said she would stop responding because she doesn't want to get my hopes up and it would be unsightly to see me trying so hard for nothing. And the fact that I was thinking I meant something to her would be unsightly to see in her opinion and that she would get nothing out of that. She even gave me her number before I screwed up. And now she says she has always thought that I wasn't any good for her. And that our conversations would have been the same even if I was a guy. But before the incident she said I was good. And she just wasn't sure if I was good tomorrow, too. As you can see, I'm very confused about this situation and what/how to feel about it. Nowadays I've been sending her messages that are rethorical. Just to tell her how I've been doing and letting her exactly know that I know that it's over. And as expected she hasn't responded yet. The reason I'm asking for help is because I'm confused about the situation. I'm confused about her and myself. I don't know why I can't just let her go. I mean, I already let go of the fact that we could get together (I think that at least) but I don't want to lose her as a part of my life while her last words were that she doesn't want to be part of it but wishes me the best. I don't know if she said those words because she wanted to be harsh and just wanted to get rid of me or is scared of being close to someone herself. And I don't know if any of that matters at all. Can someone help me clearify how to think and feel about this? Is it okay if I still chat her up and tell her about how things are going on my side and that I want her to be doing good, too, without expecting a response? Or would it be better to just let her completely go of my life and think of her as a lesson and a bless when I needed that. When I needed her. I know that she already decided deep in her heart that I'm no good for her. And there will be nothing I can do. I respect that. We are completely different and I get that. I think so, too. Yet, I haven't felt so safe with anyone in the world before. The way she makes me feel safe. I think that is why I like her so much. She makes me feel safe. Even if she has her own weaknesses, she still makes me feel safe. And I just don't know if there will be other people who make me feel safe the same way she does (in my head I know with 8 billion people in the world that should be no problem) but my heart just doesn't accept that. Can someone tell me why there is a part of me that can't let her go so easily? And if it's okay to keep checking up on her and see how she is doing and texting her little sweet messages to try to make her day on her side? I mean this issue doesn't affect me so hard but I just can't make sense of it. Can someone help me make sense out of this? There was a time when I thought I only like her because she is a real challenge. I told her that, too. But this is more than that. There is a part of me that thinks if I really got together with her I will destroy her and that it's better the way it is now. And still there is something in me that doesn't want to let her go, just yet. And it's that something that I don't understand that makes me crazy. Am I being stupid? Should I just live with her fully rightful rejection and get over it? Am I in my right mind to think that there has been something between us since she was able to touch my soul, even though she clearly denies that? Am I overthinking this too much? At the end of this text, I see that I haven't let go in the slightest way. I remember that she also told me I could ask her for help when I needed it, even though she doesn't want to be part of my life. I don't understand any of that. If I can ask her for help why can't I normally text her. I'm so confused. Also we are both asexual (she more than me), doesnt know if that helps understanding my situation, said it anyway. EDIT: We have never met once or talked on the phone. We only talked from night to daylight and through out the day. Always. Whenever she was awake and avaible.
Hi, I have just read your message and thought I could help. One of my freinds is like the girl you described. She is alway caring and kind but does not want a romantic relationahip with most people. Some people are just kind hearted and feel the need to help others when they are down. I know the feling of needing to let go of someone and it can be hard but like you said, you will find someone else. If you ever want to talk just ask. Im gay and this is the first time I have been on anything like this but have been in a simmilar situation. Dont worry it gets better.
I don't know if this will help, but there was this girl I'd just met and my heart went and decided that it was a good idea to start crushing on her. She was a lot like you described; she was kind and funny and altruistic, and she listened to people. Everyone seemed to open up to her more than she opened herself up to others, and she was always there whenever anyone needed someone. She never needed to, but she always made it a point to go miles out of her way to help people. She was absolutely brilliant and perfect, but she was already in a relationship, so I had to stop crushing. It took a really long time, but every time I thought about her in a butterflies-in-your-stomach way, I'd snap out of it and tell myself to stop (this gets easier to do by, like, the thirtieth time). I focused on her imperfections (at first, it seemed like she didn't have any, but slowly my brain built an immunity towards the flaw-filtering blinds my eyes had over them), and I found someone else to kind of 'force' a crush on just so I'd be less creepy around her. I acted uninterested in front of her and around other people, and I took every opportunity I could find to emphasise that we were strictly platonic (through my actions, words, expressions, everything). I think the key was to fake it till you feel it; condition your brain into directing all your firing passion towards someone else, and trick your heart into thinking you really, honestly don't like her anymore. Lucky for me, she picked up on it and was less afraid to become my friend, and we did, and we now have a wonderful friendship I would never trade for anything else in this world. It wasn't the mushy, heart-pounding relationship that I initially wanted, but it's a lovely relationship I'm so grateful to have. I hope this helps!! If not, I'm sure you will move on with time, and see that you are a great person who deserves to love someone who loves you back.
I think because she is so clear about not wanting to keep in contact, it seems like it would be best if you stopped texting her "sweet little messages", although it's obviously very kind of you to. I think it'll be best for the both of you. And through your descriptions, she sounds like a caring human being who puts people's care and wellbeing first, above all else, above (your) complicated situations and confusing feelings, and I think that's why she's still willing to offer her support and said that you could still text her if you ever needed help; not because she wants to keep in contact, but because that's just the caring person she is. I think it's hard for you to let go easily because this is what emotions do to people. They render us completely hopeless and entirely overpowered, and it's never your fault who you develop intense feelings for. Sounds like you "can't let go of her" because she "makes you feel safe", as you said. And that's ok, it's only natural to want to hold on to things that offer you refuge from the hardships of life. But for the sake of her and your feelings, I think you should really let go. You say you have ("already let go of the fact that we could get together"), but you talk about sending her little messages to check up on her, and that tells a different story. For now, I think you should respect her wishes and stop texting her. Give her some time and give yourself some time, and things will change. You'll painfully, slowly, but surely, let go. And maybe she'll see that you've definitely got it through to your head that she just wants to stay friends, and when she's ready (or when you are, if you still want to), she'll restart a friendship. Maybe she won't, and that's fine. Either way, let go now, and in the future, this will either be the story of how you got over a girl, or how you became friends with a rocky start. And both don't sound the least bit bad.
Thank you so much for your opinion. It helped me see things how I think I should see them as. And it gave me an insight to myself and how I should handle things. I find it funny and I'm laughing at myself because this is exactly the situation my ex and I are in. He said I would find a person which will do the same thing to me as I did to him. Give him paradise and then take it away. And I found that person. When I think about how I give her the same feelings as my ex gives me, it helps me alot to get over her. Even if I truly won't because I will always carry her in my heart and whereever I go. She is a blessing for me. Nothing more and nothing less. And the way I am now I can't help her out in any way or give her back what she gave me. The only thing I can do for her now is to become a better person and learn to let go. Because she never wanted to get something in return when being with me. Which is a reason why I completely fell for her.
