I bought this book in a used bookstore to really see if I had healthy thought patterns pertaining to relationships. I was wondering am I being unreasonable in relationships especially a specific one. There was this section in the book that made me realize I wasn't and I think many other people wonder this: "So what is responsiveness? Here's a definition which you may find useful: 1. Being able to notice, pay attention to, reflect on, soothe and express our own emotions. 2.Being able to notice, pay attention to, reflect on, soothe and respond to a partner's emotions. 3. Being able to reflect on and discuss the interaction between 1 & 2. 4. Being able to do all the above even when a partner can't, won't or doesn't want to. " To me this is saying that if a person is truly responsive they won't abandon you for weeks, ignore you, acknowledge your feelings, put in the work to try to make the relationship work, properly share their emotions. Yes sharing emotions are hard, but anyone who expects you to read their mind signals a red flag. AND "Professor Ted Huston of the University of Texas at Austin suggested that where partners aren't emotionally concerned about each other during courtship, then even if they decide to wed/commit for the long haul they'll probably part in the end. If couples are constantly kind, warm sympathetic and empathetic from the start, they're hugely more likely to stay the course. We not only can, but should, make emotional responsiveness a relationship deal-breaker." Yes not everyone needs the same emotional responsiveness. But if you are not getting the form of emotional responsiveness you feel is needed to upkeep a relationship. That should be a deal breaker. The book continues to say that Men are capable of this.. if anyone was wondering. They feel it just as strong as the next person. But, the problem is social conditioning tell them to "Man up" to not cry...really to not show emotions that may make them look "weak". This is just want I thought was interesting and reminded me that my way of thinking is actually healthy. The book continues to say (Paraphrased)" solutions are vital but a partner is unlikely to even hear them or do anything with them until emotions are being honored." The book is: How to choose a partner - Susan Quilliam
