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Straight coworker suddenly acting really quiet around me

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by sapphiregirl, Mar 11, 2017.

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  1. sapphiregirl

    sapphiregirl
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    I've worked with this (straight) girl for a year and a half. She's nice, and we always used to have good conversations. I've never come out to her, but I am out to a few other coworkers whom I'm closer with (who have no problem with me). I'm not sure whether the word has spread about me or not. I also know she is religious (Islamic). I don't think she is even allowed to drink alcohol, let alone accept homosexuality. Thus, I always felt hesitant to come out to her.

    We only work the same shift once a week, but lately when I've seen her, she has acted differently around me. She is polite, but it's like she can barely be bothered talking to me anymore. There's a look in her eyes that gives me bad vibes, like she's only talking to me because she has to. She is now silent in my presence, making me feel uncomfortable and like I shouldn't talk either. She never used to be this way - we always used to have a good chat/laugh! These days, she gives me short answers and conversation we do have is forced/awkward.

    I've done nothing wrong to her. The only reason I can think of as to why she may now dislike me would be that she discovered I'm gay. I'm probably being crazy, but this has been on my mind lately. I know that not everyone will accept me, and I don't expect everyone to. I guess I need to learn not to care so much.

    Have you ever experienced anything similar from a straight/religious person? Do you think it's possible she found out about me and is disgusted? I know I shouldn't care, but because we still work together sometimes, it kind of affects me.
     
    #1 sapphiregirl, Mar 11, 2017
    Last edited: Mar 11, 2017
  2. Makalaster

    Makalaster
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    I'm in her position right now. I'm usually happy and laughing, but now I'm quiet at work. I'm just going through my anxiety and depression cause of myself and my life right now. I don't think you did anything wrong. Maybe she's going through and needs some time to work it out which is what I'm doing right now.
     
    #2 Makalaster, Mar 11, 2017
  3. resu

    resu
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    You aren't paranoid if you've known her so long and now she's acting differently. However, you can't know the real reason unless you ask her (you could ask others, but they may not know). Try to be polite, but don't let her get away with changing the subject. If it turns out to be your sexuality, then take it as an opportunity to inform her on what it's really like. Homophobia is based on ignorance, and she may not have been as close to another LGBT person before meeting you.

    If things get better, that's great, but if they don't, at least you tried to help her.
     
    #3 resu, Mar 11, 2017
  4. lost101

    lost101
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    Honestly from what it sounds like it seems like it may be that since you two get along she doesn't want to lead you on and she might've just found out about your sexuality I would try to act the same around other girls you work with be as equally friendly and happy etc around everyone else and see if her demeanor changes I was in a similar boat turned out she was gay herself but in denial and internalized homophobia either way she's obviously not "out" think about whether or not you'd want to pursue something with someone who hasn't had time to process the implications of their own sexuality and be comfortable enough to be around others who don't share the same sexuality
     
    #4 lost101, Mar 12, 2017
  5. Assassin'sKat

    Assassin'sKat
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    I would ask her if she has any problems with you. She may just be going through something, or they may be some other problem she has with you.
     
    #5 Assassin'sKat, Mar 12, 2017
  6. CharacterStudy

    CharacterStudy
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    My husband is quite religious (Catholic), and was from quite a sheltered background with no known gay people in his circles. When I first met him he was quite homophobic (not in a violent way, but he saw it as a joke/something to avoid/a bad thing). Over the years he has massively shifted in his views, and it's mainly down to exposure. Once he realised colleagues were in fact gay (he was not picking up on their hints), and met my gay friends, he completely changed his ideas. He is now really ashamed of some of the things he said back then.

    From my knowledge of Muslim friends, there seems to greater prevalence of homophobia, but certainly not every Muslim is homophobic. And again I think it's often due to unease and uncertainty. Hopefully, when this colleague has time, she will come to accept it. She's probably trying to come to terms with two (apparently) contradictory truths right now - what she thought gay people were like (negative) and how she feels about you (friendly, likes you). I'd say keep on being friendly, give her a little space if she seems to need it, and remember it might well be a home-life issue and nothing to do with you at all. Hopefully when she realises you are just the same person as before, she will accept it.
     
    #6 CharacterStudy, Mar 19, 2017
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