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Don't know what to do.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by SamG11, Mar 12, 2017.

  1. SamG11

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    Hi there,

    I'm new here, my name is Sam and I'm 16 years old. Ever since I was in 4th grade I've loved this one boy. My whole life I've sorta claimed I'm straight because my family is anti gay, and I don't feel comfortable coming out. But stil, this doesn't stop me from loving this one boy.

    This boy is straight.(I think) he's had multiple girlfriends. Sure, sometimes he messes around with me and makes gay jokes (pretty sure he knows I like him). But I love him so much and have so much feelings for him that I don't know what to do now.

    The past year or two we haven't really talked, only when we see each other in school. I have his number and Snapchat but I feel like if I randomly text him hey he will think it's weird.




    I feel like I had so many chances (a couple years ago he asked me to hang out) but I just blew the opportunity. I get extremely depressed when I think about him and the relationship we could have. Should I text him? If I tell him how I really feel everyone would think I'm a freak.. and I will loose my "friends"
     
    #1 SamG11, Mar 12, 2017
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  2. AbsoluteNerd

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    As a fellow closeted sixteen-year-old, I get where you're coming from. Based on the fact that you put the word "friends" in quotes, I would guess that they don't really matter that much to you, or at least shouldn't. And unless he really freaks out and tells everyone, I don't see how everyone else will find out about a private conversation. As for randomly texting him, it kind of depends on what kind of person you are. I do that all the time with everyone I know, so for me it wouldn't be considered weird, but then again, it depends on who you are and your personality. You also said that you're pretty sure he knows. If he messes around like that with you and knows, it's likely that either:
    A) He's waiting for you to make the first move, or
    B) He's a total jackass for leading you on like that
    If you're fairly sure he's straight, the former is probably more likely, but I don't know the guy
    Just my 2c
     
    #2 AbsoluteNerd, Mar 12, 2017
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  3. SamG11

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    I'm still struggling to make a move..


    I saw him today for the first time in a while at school. We looked at each other and both smiled and stared for at least 5 seconds as we passed in the hall...
    This type of smile doesn't seem like a "sup bro" smile. Seems like he was genuinely happy to see me as I was as happy to see him.




    I came so close to snap chatting him tonight, but I just don't know what to say! I feel like "hey" is awkward. And so is just sending a picture of my face...


    Please someone give me advice... :/
     
  4. Sek

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    SamG11, this answer is probably not what I expect you want to hear because I believe you have already made your mind up but are just struggling to cope with your fear of rejection and that's why you have come here. But if you want my honest advice, here it is.

    I believe there is someone out there for everyone and when it's meant to be, it will happen. Ask yourself truthfully - does the way he acts towards you sound like someone who is meant for you? Does he sound like someone who loves you the way you love them? Does he sound like someone who will nuture and care for you as you would for him?

    Hopefully these questions prompt some honest answers within you. It's hard to let go of the emotions and see clearly and this puts you off balance. Once you centre yourself and can think without clouded judgment, you will know what's best for you to do.

    I think you should do some soul searching and ask yourself why you don't want to let go despite the emotional pain this is causing. Take a break from worrying about him and focus on something else. This does not mean that you will never have a relationship that you want with him. But it means that if he is meant for you then he will find a way to come back into your life in the right way.
     
    #4 Sek, Mar 15, 2017
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  5. SamG11

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    Thank you Sek for the response, really appreciated :slight_smile:

    I sat next to him at lunch today with a bunch of people. We just talked a little, not much. I didint really know what to say.


    I don't want to let go just yet, because I haven't even TRIED to show my feelings for him. I just don't know how... if that makes any sense. I suffer from anxiety and making the first move kinda sucks for me.


    I genuily think he's like me. I think he acts straight because he doesn't want anyone to know, but has been holding back his true sexuality, and hasn't figured it out yet. When me and him were little we would hug eachother, mess around , get really close and both loved it.



    :bang: idk what to do
     
  6. Asterion

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    You may feel uncomfortable doing the first move, however you should probably try to start hanging out with him in more private situations, just meeting him in social situations will not help you to progress with him.
    Try to get closer to him before making any romantic move
     
  7. SamG11

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    This.


    But just HOW can I get closer to him? What should I text him? I used to be SUPER close as a kid but the last couple of years we only talk in school.
     
  8. Asterion

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    Do you have any hobbies in common? If so then approach him with that in mind, start talking to him about some book or movie you both like and then invite him to do something with you. It would be better to do that in person, however if there is no way to talk to him alone at school then you can text him with the pretext of being bored and wanting to do something you both like together. However try to keep your romantic intentions initially hidden and take your time. Get to know each other and try to rekindle your friendship before doing anything risky
     
  9. SamG11

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    We used to play video games online together. (talking over microphone). Maybe I could catch him online and maybe start a conversation through there. Other than that we really don't have any hobbies in common. He plays sports all the time and I just am home all the time.
     
  10. Asterion

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    That would be a good start, after some time you could plan to go together to watch some movies or something, but try to take your time
     
  11. I'm gay

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    How about sending him a text, something like:

    "Hey, I've missed hanging out with you. Maybe we could get together and play (video game)?"

    It's simple, non-threatening, and would achieve your goal of getting closer to him and providing some alone time as well. What do you think?
     
  12. Sek

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    SamG11, there are many guys in my life that I could have said this about who still have not 'figured it out' and continue to stay in relationships with women several years later. This is not to say that he isn't gay, but believe me you will save yourself a lot of heartache if your rule of thumb is to not allow yourself to be interested in guys before you know their sexuality for sure.

    Assuming what you have said is true, would he not need time to come around to his sexuality before a relationship with him wouldn't be extremely complicated?

    You are young, you have a whole life infront of you. Ask yourself if you are being fair on yourself now by keeping yourself held back by feelings for him. If you want to try to pursue a relationship, then quite frankly you should just swallow your pride and do it providing it's safe for you to do and you are ready.

    I wasn't sure if you were out of the closet yourself, but if not then my advice is to come out to him before you tell him your feelings. After all, telling him your feelings unexpectedly might complicate things especially if he has some self-exploration to do since he might think that a close friendship with a gay guy = possibility of being gay or bisexual himself.. And that later that might not turn out to be the case.
     
    #12 Sek, Mar 17, 2017
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  13. SamG11

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    Yes I am in the closet... and don't really feel comfortable coming out. If a relationship were to work with him I would want it secret at first and then once we are both ready we could both come out and tell everyone..



    But I just don't know. I've been snap chatting him and he rarely answers, the other day I thought we were getting closer but now I just feel like he really doesn't care about me lol.



    This just sucks either way, that I love this guy so much but I have 0 chance. I'm just going to keep talking to him and just maybe something will happen one day....



    I just don't know how I can suppress my feelings for him though, it's really hard. I understand there are PLENTY of fish in the sea but right now I just wanted to be with him. :frowning2: And doesn't help that I have been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and have a history of depression. I find myself crying at night and thinking about how the wonderful relationship with him will never come true.
     
  14. Sek

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    SamG11, you are just showing what I believed to be true to be true - that you have already made your mind up and you're not really here looking for advice.

    My dear, you do not have to suppress your feelings for him. Don't discourage yourself from falling in love because that's part of life. However, realise that there will be people that you cannot be with and not everyone will be right for you. You need to be aware of when you are in a situation like that and gently remind yourself to hold back each time feelings come up.

    You will not allow yourself to move past him if you keep yourself stuck imprisoned by your feelings. When you know your actions are betraying yourself (e.g. setting yourself up for failure by snapchatting him and then hoping he will respond and then feeling hurt when he doesn't), check yourself and don't do it. Just don't! Remind yourself that you are likely to be hurt again and that it's likely to not go anywhere.

    I will tell you that it won't be easy to move past him but the more you follow my advice the easier it becomes.