So I have been with my boyfriend (he's my first) for more than 2 years now and I come to think I might should break up with him cause I don't feel like there isn't bright future for us but I'm afraid I'll still miss him terribly after that. My mind feels like a mess right now so my post may seem a little bit confusing. Here's the background: First I noticed that he seemed unhappy for the last month or two, like he was missing something in his life. Then I found out that he still visits his dating site profile whenever we're not together. I wanted to find out what he's looking there for so I created a fake profile of a boy I knew he would certainely fall for. He told my fake identity that he wants to go swimming and playing badminton as he has no one to do these activities with him. Then I asked him if he had someone as I've just broke up with my bf short time ago and just want to play with gyus for a while, nothing serious. He replied that he is also looking to have some fun and that there might be someone in his life but he feels like their relationship has no future because of the differencies in their lifetime goals and plans. That was right before our meeting at the swimming pool. When he found out that he was writing these things to his real boyfriend and that there is no mr. perfect, he acted emberassed but told me it was quite fun and we enjoyed the pool and badminton together. It was a good day. I also told him not to visit the dating site anymore but he continued. I accidentaly found his password one day a long time ago and I did a bad thing - I logged in and read his messages. He was mostly looking for boys to do sport activities as I'm not a fan of these. He was also flirting with some of them and talking about sex issues, our intimate torubles. I told him I feel insecure that he still visits the site and I wanted him to stop. He answered taht he wil be going there as long as I'll keep about my future goals (as having a career where I'll travel a lot which he doesn't want to hear about). His prfile says he is free and looking for a serious relathionship. On the other hand he keeps telling me I'm the best boyfriend he'd ever get and how much he loves me. I'm afraid that what I feel for him is mainly need these days and I'm afraid to break up with him cause when we're cuddling or relaxing together I feel secure. He comforts me and that's it. I don't wanna lose my dreams just to please him, I won't give upon them. Shouldn't he support my dreams if he truly loves me? According to him his only dream is to be with me and that's all, he doesn't for anything else. At the same time he's browisng the dating site, waiting for someone more suitable to get dependent on? I don't know what to think, I feel stuck and wnat to move on. Be free again, get a direction in my life. I like being with him in general but my logic tells me that this relationship will end sooner or later and that we are just keeping each other from meeting the real healthy love. The worst part is that we already booked a holiday together and he keeps talking about it all the time. What should I do? Could we stay as friends and still go together or what? I'm shattered. Someone give me some advice please......I'm sorry if I've just written nonsense. My ability to express myself in English (not my mother tongue) increases with tiredness. It's almost 3 AM.
Okay, it definitely sounds like it's time to end this relationship. The fact that he's talking to these people on a dating site, with your knowledge knowing it bothers you, means he's definitely trying to get something he doesn't believe he can get from you. These feelings will only continue to grow in him, and he may very well eventually break up with you if/when he finds a "more suitable" partner. It sounds like he likes the idea of being in a relationship, but he doesn't like being in a relationship with you in particular. I'm sorry to say this, and I know this is hard to hear, but these issues aren't going to go away at this point. First relationships tend to not work out for most people. I'm sorry to say this. This is going to be a very hard thing to do, but the best thing to do is to break up with him and establish no contact. Do not talk to him or reply to any of his texts/calls for at least a month (or longer). You need time to organize your thoughts, and continuing to be in contact with him will only hinder you to recover emotionally from this. I understand you have strong feelings for him, but you need to distance yourself from him after a break up. Being friends after a break up won't work either, because there's too many memories you two have together that will trigger a lot of feelings. The only way being friends after a break up would work is if you reconnect after a few months of being apart (with no contact). If I were you, I'd probably cancel that holiday.
Thank you. We tried to break up more than a year ago because of the same problems but we couldn't exist apart and we kept in contact :/. Even though he slept with some boys during these period he still wanted to stay with me and I agreed from mercy. It seems this situation reapts now. The problem is we study the same college and we see ach other during some lectures .
I would say you need to break up, but establish with him that you need to initiate no contact. Make it clear the reasons you cannot stay in touch and come to a general understanding on what you both want to achieve out of this. When you are in the room together, do not talk to each other and just try to ignore each other. It may be hard, and it may take longer to move on, but it's the best thing you can do.
Hey Marty18. You deserve better. He should be talking with you about any issues he has with your relationship. The fact that he is still visiting the dating website and his profile says he free shows a total.disregard for your feelings and a lack of respect. You deserve to be with someone who is totally crazy about you and completely invested in your relationship
