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How to deal with homophobic family?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Tlab8, Mar 16, 2017.

  1. Tlab8

    Regular Member

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    every time my larger family gathers on Saturdays or such the topic wil eventually come to politics and someone usually my uncle will eventually say something like "you hear what these fags did again" it's got gets to the point were I avoid family time altogether when extended family gets together. My parents are worried why I don't spend time with the other family members and i get noticeably agitated when they bring the subject of homosexuality comes up and they might catch on eventually and I don't want that to happen

    any pointers for dealing with this?
     
  2. LadyTalulah

    Regular Member

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    I'm surprised this has yet to receive any answers, because I'm sure far too many of us have experienced this in some way or another...

    The unfortunate answer is, there's no hard and fast rule or surefire way to deal with homophobes. The situation is especially complicated when it's your family. As much as we would all like to be outspoken about LGBT rights - and it's true that opinions won't change if we don't call out ignorant and hateful views for what they are - you have to consider your own personal safety and comfort level in any given situation.

    If you think you're in danger in any way, I would highly advise you not to say anything. If it could have potential social repercussions that you're not willing or able to bare, the best plan of action might be to stay silent. It is really up to you to judge the situation.

    If you do decide to speak up, you could think about addressing the issue at first with one family member who is more open-minded on their own. You can talk about how it makes you uncomfortable and give facts as to why what is being said is simply untrue. If their opinions are based in religious beliefs, try to point out some aspect or religious group that supports gay rights (most religions have activists within that are fighting to change the negative views of their members towards the LGBT community). Hopefully, this family member will be able to talk to the others, or support you if you call them out.

    As infuriating and hurtful their opinions may be, I would advise you to keep your calm. When you get angry, people feel they're being attacked and you're more likely to push them to the extreme in defending their own views. Oftentimes, when facts fail to convince people to drop harmful beliefs, it's because some aspect of their identity or world view is tied up in those beliefs, and it's scary and destabilizing to make that shift. To change their opinion, you have to show them that thinking differently won't change who they are or their whole world view. They can still be the same person, living the same life, just without harboring any hateful feelings towards the LGBT community.

    Otherwise, you can always distance yourself completely and decide that you don't want to have those kinds of people in your life. Or less drastically, you could decide to step back a bit and avoid them whenever possible.

    Do what you think is right for you, and when the time is right. Be safe, and good luck! You have support here :slight_smile:
     
    #2 LadyTalulah, Mar 20, 2017
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 20, 2017