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Should I give up or tell him?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Robishere, Mar 20, 2017.

  1. Robishere

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    So basically I've had a crush on this guy since the day I saw him 2 years ago, so literally before we met. As 2016 came to a close, we suddenly got extremely close and by then, my feelings for him had multiplied exponentially. Today, we're extremely close. I can easily say he's the closest I've been to someone else, ever. Anyways, the thing is that I'm split on whether he feels the same or not. As we got closer, some things happened that made me question if he felt the same. The problem is that he's a completely different person when he's with other guys. With other guys he's super masculine and different, but when he's with just me, he's this kind guy that literally never mentions girls and expresses himself honestly. I know everything about him and vice-versa (except he doesn't know I'm gay). So since I see those two sides of him, I just can't pin down whether he likes me or not. I'm just wondering if I should give it up or tell him? I don't mind telling him, I'm just scared of what it might do to our friendship. I can't imagine my life without him (as my best friend) and to make it worse, I have no idea where he stands when it comes to the LGBTQIA+ community. Please help me! I'm kind of desperate at this point. :help:
     
  2. resu

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    I think you should at least come out to him since you are already out to your family and other "best friends". It's hard, but he should accept it if he truly values the friendship. The next step, revealing your feelings to him, will be harder if he claims to be straight, but you don't know that, yet.
     
  3. Quantumreality

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    Hey Robishere,

    From what I see of your posts, you've been letting your crush on him linger for quite some time.

    I agree with resu that you should at least Come Out to him. If he is as good and close a friend as you've made him out to be, he should be accepting.

    Beyond that, and, again as resu said, actually telling him about your feelings for him can be problematic. If he's straight, he could potentially have problems with that, so I would recommend that you give him some time (at least a couple of weeks and/or he tells you very specifically that he's totally fine with having you as a gay friend) before talking to him about your feelings for him.

    However, if he is straight or simply doesn't return your feelings, pretty much the only way for you to get over him is separation. You would have to be away from him for a significant amount of time until you romantic and sexual attraction to him dies off. If that is what needs to happen, you could and should explain it to him and, realistically you friendship can be maintained in the longrun after you have gotten over your crush on him and just continue to appreciate him being a close friend in your life.

    Just some thoughts.:slight_smile:
     
  4. FlowerOfLife

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    I agree with resu and quantumreality.

    If you are so close you should tell him that you are gay. I'm sure he'll be totally fine with it
    and MAYBE it will even help to find out if he has the same sort of feelings for you.
    :slight_smile:)