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How to get close to someone?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by choni, Mar 20, 2017.

  1. choni

    Regular Member

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    I'm a pretty shy and reserved person, and I think people mistake that as disinterest or coldness. I hate it. I want to be less shy and want to have good relationships with people.

    There's a girl I like in particular, but I have been and am too scared to do anything. I feel like a coward and I constantly beat myself up about not doing anything. We were on the same basketball team for 3 months, and now the season is over. We obviously became closer than before, having not known each other at all, but we're still not nearly as close as I want to be. She got closer with other girls on the team, and they all got closer to each other than I seemed to have. I just don't know how it happens. I'm socially clueless.

    She's 2 grades below me, so it's hard to hang out and see her now that the season is over. We don't have mutual friends or classes together. I miss her so much. How can I try and talk to her again? And just in general, how can I get closer to people, for future reference? I know logically that if I put myself out there, the worst that could happen is rejected or something. It's better to just try. But it's so scary. Any advice?

    Also, side note, I'm turning to this website because I really don't feel comfortable sharing my gay crushes with people in my life yet...so any help would be appreciated. I just feel like I need to actually talk to real people about this. Not to be melodramatic, but it's eating me alive. There's just so many emotions bottled up inside- those of longing, desire, disappointment, frustration, anger. I needed to vent.
     
  2. Caribbean

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    I am also an incredibly shy person. Iver the years I have managed to become more confident about things. Although you feel nervous about it you should just go for it. Text her and ask her if she wants to meet up for a catch up. That way you dont have to have a face to face conversation and feel akward. It has worked for me, everytimr I feel so sick and scared but then I think well I will feel more rubbish if I let her get away. Dont let yourself live a life where you regret not.doing things. It will get easier to do these things. I completely understand how you feel. (*hug*) I hope my ramblings help!
     
  3. A unicorn

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    I am in a kinda similar situation..I like a co dancer in my dance studio and I can't see her anywhere else plus she isn't on social media.. I'm not extremely shy I am just shy to take my conversations a step further so that I will get closer and all the codancers are in little groups of friends and I'm like a friend with all but not that close, so I can understand how you feel. My way of trying to get over this is by trying to put myself out there (feels totally scary at first but then I go with the flow) even when I feel extremely uncomfortable! I discovered a YouTuber called shameless maya and I kinda felt motivated by her to stop shying away from the things I want. Maybe her videos could help you too.
    I don't think it would be the easiest thing to send her a message on her cellphone because as you said you are not close enough so if you are not ready for an explanation you should try talking to her through social media! Find an excuse to talk to her the first time. The second time would be easier. And if you then feel that she is eager to talk to you then it's safe enough to find an excuse again to actually invite her to go somewhere with you. For example I need to buy a new leotard asap and my codancers know it. So one of them asks me where I am gonna buy it from where this place is and when I'm going so I just talked about it but if that person that asked about those stuff and it was my crush ( which was standing next to me at that moment) I would have told her to go buy the leotards together!! You see what I mean? Find an excuse to go somewhere with her and when you are alone you would much easier get a little closer. No matter how shy you are you would be so happy that you'll make it. I hope I helped a little good luck :slight_smile:
     
  4. Najlen

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    Like the above posters said, a casual text or messaging her through social media would be a good idea. If you see her around school make a point of saying hello, asking how she is, things like that. If you seem friendly and like you want to talk to her, she'll probably talk back.