I'm a lesbian and I'm dating a guy. Please Help...

I'm a ninth grader in a small school. I just started dating a guy about a week ago after he asked me out and because I'm in a small school almost everyone knows about it. This is both of our first relationship. I thought I liked him, I really did, but it's fading. I thought it was because of the lack of communication because he's awkward around me.
After thinking about it, I really only got together with him because of pressure from my parents and friends. I had an emotional bond with him, as he was my friend, but not exactly romantically. I really think that I have a bond with him more as a friend.
The biggest thing that bothered me during this relationship was how I always longed to get together with a girl. I compared me dating a guy with a girl and found it much more preferable. Yes, in the past, I had seldom awake dreams of kissing a boy or doing something sexual, but with girls it's an everyday thing. I always want to kiss girls. I have had a long time crush with a girl even before I hopped into this relationship with my one of my only guy friends.
I just don't know what to do now though. I'm a really emotionally driven person, but also very mature and level head. I can do everything correct unless it comes to me and social stuff. I have had problems loving myself in the past and when I start to, my best guy friend asks me out and all my friends and my parents expect me to get together with him. I mentioned that I liked girls to my parents but they think I'll grow out of it and this relationship will help me. They just say "have fun". I don't want to break up with him too because I'm an optimist and I want to believe it will get better. I don't fully accept that I like girls and not boys. I also don't want to fall into the superstition that all young relationships will end quickly. I just started dating him a week ago. My "feelings" (more like optimistic beliefs" disappeared for him about 3 days after. I still have those optimistic moments.
But I'm so conflicted! I want to believe that this relationship might work and I actually do like guys. I want to believe this relationship is not working because of the lack of communication. I want to believe the lack of communication and lack of romantic feeling towards my guy friend to be normal. But I keep thinking about girls! I can't break up with him. What should I do...?

Please help me...

 

Hey I can understand your tough situation. There unfortunately isn't any magical advice I can give you which will help this situation. You have a couple of choices, firstly to do nothing and continue dating the guy and see what happens. Secondly to break up with the guy. It seems that even though it's been a short time datin gthe guy isn't sitting well with you are making you happy so my advice would be option 2. Added to which whilst it's still a new relationship and you are both quite young it isn't really fair on him if you know you don't like him like that.

 

As he's your friend I would suggest you talk to him about how you feel and your confusion. He may be awkward around you because he's also felt pressured into having a relationship.

 

I'm not so sure I'm the best person for this sort of advice, but I will attempt nevertheless.

I had sort of dated due to social pressures when I was younger, and quite frankly it got drawn out quite some time, over a year, and I probably just made the situation worse doing so. If you're already not feeling it you should probably be honest before it carries on far too long as it just becomes harder then. If you're not ready to come out, maybe just say you think you jumped in a little quickly and you don't think it's a good idea, that you don't want to damage the friendship either.

Sort of carrying on a relationship for such time and not being in love with the person, they might really not take it well. Sort of feeling played, I suppose even if not the case at all.

Regardless, I do wish you luck.

 

@Hemospectrum

I can definitely relate. I, personally, just got through with a hetero relationship after realising I was gay. We had been together a bit over a year, and it was hard to tell him. We were always open with each other, and I had told him before that I was into girls, and he was okay with it. As time went on though, I realised that I only liked girls. I pondered what to do for about a month. I reached out for help, and received good advice. I'll go along similar lines.
*If you want to break up with him*
Just tell him that you are gay, and if he respects you, then he won't have much of a problem with it. Because the more you drag it out, the worse it could get.
Since it doesn't sound as though you are very attached, this should make it easier. However, since you are friends, there will be some hurt, and awkwardness will follow. As with every break up. The more you drag this out, the more time you are taking away from finding someone that makes both you happy.
It's going to be hard yes, they always are.
There's no specific way to go about this, as sometimes being straightforward may help, and at other times, speaking from your heart is better.
If you aren't exactly ready tell him that you are gay, then perhaps just telling him that you should break up because you aren't compatible may be better.
It really depends on how you want to do it.

With your orientation, and optimism:
It's great that you are optimistic about hard situations. I could never do that.
But with that being said, if you aren't happy, or are not feeling anything for him, then it would make more sense to not be with him. Be true to yourself and who you like, whether it be boys or girls. If you are questioning your orientation, then it could be best to not be in a relationship at all. I'm not trying to be rude or anything, but coming from experience, it will really be more beneficial if you are surrounded by accepting friends who support you, than a partner you aren't happy with.

I know this is hard, and it is ultimately your decision. If you feel like it really could get better, then go for it. Talk to him, be open.
If you think its better to break up, then tell him.
But if nothing else, just be true to who you are. Even if you don't know. It's better to figure out who you are, surrounded by friends who can help, than a partner you aren't comfortable with.
I hope this helps, and that you find your way.
Dakota

 

I second this. You can't drop two bombs at once. If you say the above (diplomatically) people will be impressed by your maturity. That may help them respect your judgment when (if?) the next step comes. Because I definitely see a girlfriend in your future. I hope it goes well.

The mere fact that you can come on here and clearly say what's on your mind is a real good sign.