I know this is one of those difficult questions to answer, but I wonder if anyone had personal insight on the question of whether or not love can grow for someone if you don't initially feel the romantic spark. I'm going on a third date with a guy this Friday and he's a great guy, very kind, responsible, has a good job, I enjoy spending time with him, and he seems really into me, but I'm just not sure where my heart is at with the whole thing and I'm not as excited as I have been about other guys I've dated in the past. Then again, I've heard people say a number of times that love can grow. Thoughts?
It's a tough question to answer. I met a guy once, got to know him completely online for months, and eventually grew to have "feelings" for him. And oddly enough, this was all via text and an occasional phone call. I didn't have any idea what he looked like until he mailed me his photo. (This was 1997. Emailing photos wasn't really a thing yet. ) And by that point, I'd already decided I'd liked him - this just gave me a visual to go with the person I already liked. Should you continue to date this guy? Sure. I would keep him somewhat informed that you're keeping things platonic, and seeing if something develops. Lex
Well, I have Indian friends and we have talked about the institution of arranged marriages. Based on this I would absolutely say that love can come later. Some of my friends' parents met the first time in their wedding and it wasn't love at first sight. It took years but eventually they grew to love each other. Now, this merely answered your question. Should you keep dating this guy? I don't know. That's something you need to decide. Whatever you do, however, be honest with him. Good luck.
It's different for everyone - really only you can answer. Most (most is not always) of the time, I think you know, like I mean you just get that kick, that chemistry happen in if not the first date, the second. Similar to you, I went on two dates with his very nice gentleman, on paper he was great and even looked pretty nice, but there was no chemistry, I found my mind wandering during the date wondering when it was going to be over, we just didn't fit. Now it different for everyone but if you feel that way, it just might not be the right person. You have to consider. Just try to only go on one more date with him though if you are going to break it off cuz you don't know where his mind is and how attached he's becoming to you, you don't want to drag this out with him. If your questioning another date or don't feel chemistry, i would says it a no go. But that easy for me to say because I pretty much fell in love with my SO in the first date. Good luck!
While instant attraction is always a great place to start, often times it leads to relationships that are doomed from the beginning because so many other parts of two peoples lives do not match. Sometimes instant attraction will also lead to long lasting loving relationships. Just the same, I am sure you experienced those times when you immediately know that a person will not be fit. For all the other times, there is the middle ground, which is where you seem to be. Having a successful relationship with someone requires a lot of different components to align themselves. And it is not out of the question to think time is needed to see if all the various pieces start to fit. As another suggested, sounds like there is enough there for you to continue to date and see how it progresses. You did not quickly conclude he was not a fit, nor did you get an instant spark. So this relationship is somewhere in the middle. See where the middle takes you.
Yes, it can. I didn't much even like my now husband when I first met him. I didn't find him attractive. One day I saw him in a different light and my brain completely flicked. I also have Indian friends in arranged marriages, where love has grown. Whether it is the same type of love I couldn't say, but I don't see why not if they are well matched. I've also had a number of friends to lovers type relationships and most started entirely platonically. One of the best ways to flick this attraction on is to see the object of interest doing something they are REALLY good at - whether it is a sport, or professionally, or music... Maybe you can set up this kind of situation.
