1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

High School crush is coming out of the closet

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by dailystruggles, Mar 23, 2017.

Thread Tools

Thread Tools

  1. dailystruggles

    dailystruggles
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 23, 2017
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Minneapolis
    Hi all,

    I need some advice! While in high school I had/have (currently we are still friends) a friend that we can call Dan. Dan and I have been friends since about 7th grade, and I have always had a crush on him. Like one of those straight fuckboy crushes everyone has.

    As I mentioned everyone assumed he was straight, and he played the role very well. As I got older and around junior year my "gaydar" (if there's such a thing) started alerting me that maybe Dan MAYBE is gay. I told one my very very close friends about it, as I was in the closet all through high school, but she knew I was gay.

    She also, thought the same thing, and others in our friend group had said the same thing apparently. So, it was possible he was gay, but that was the end of it. Let's skip ahead to after high school graduation.

    As of last week Dan came out to a bunch of the girls in our high school friend group. One of the girls told me about it. He goes to school about 6 hours away from home, and he is only telling people in person, which is why I'm assuming he wanted to hangout w/ me last week, but I was unavailable (damn right).


    So, here is where I need advice. I cannot stop thinking about Dan like I literally feel like I'm in love again (was in a past relationship, but he cheated). So, how do you all think I should deal with this. Like it's hard to focus on things, and I keep having the need to check his social media, and seeing if he saw my snap stories.


    I will not see Dan until probably may when class gets out for the year. So, I'm not even sure if he would even like me which turns my stomach inside out.
     
    #1 dailystruggles, Mar 23, 2017
  2. AbsoluteNerd

    AbsoluteNerd
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 6, 2017
    Messages:
    511
    Likes Received:
    99
    Location:
    Chicago suburbs
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Personally, I would approach him, not about his sexuality, but your crush on him. Shortly after figuring out my sexuality, I fell hard for my best friend. (Unfortunately, he IS actually straight) I approached him about it anyway, and even though we haven't spoken face-to-face about it yet (plan to next week) we have only grown closer as friends. If he is a true friend, even if he doesn't like you that way, the same will happen for you. Just my thoughts on the matter
     
    #2 AbsoluteNerd, Mar 23, 2017
  3. Moonsparkle

    Moonsparkle
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2017
    Messages:
    516
    Likes Received:
    681
    Location:
    Northeast US
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Hi Dailystruggles,

    Wow! Finding out your high school crush actually IS gay seems like a dream come true..which it may or may not be. But whether there is a love interest there or not, having this in common could certainly make (at least) your friendship much closer.

    Are you out completely now and living openly? You mention that in high school you were only out to one girl.

    Anyway, likely you will see Dan in May. That is not too far away. If he does come out personally to you at this time, it can open up a great conversation about the high school years and the struggles of staying closeted at this time etc. etc. If it seems cool you could throw in there something like, 'I always had a little crush on you..' And see what his reaction is. (Ideally he will be like 'REALLY, ME TOO!' And I hope this is the case!) If not I do think that your whole friendship can become stronger anyway.

    Also, I would say not to get too wrapped in up the social media thing and what he is 'liking' and not liking etc etc. People do get wrapped up in this---even people my age! Liking something is a CLICK, very low investment 'communication'. Commenting on someones post too is just typing a few words, again--low investment. I grew up at a time when there was no social media though--communication HAD to be in person, on the phone or by taking the time to write a note and passing it in class! All larger investments of time and communication. Still I realize I am coming from an older persons perspective!

    Wishing you the best! :slight_smile:
     
    #3 Moonsparkle, Mar 24, 2017
  4. johndeere3020

    johndeere3020
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 20, 2016
    Messages:
    1,104
    Likes Received:
    426
    Location:
    Minnesota
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Daily, I would not want any regrets later in life, so this is what I would do... I would sent him a message "Dan, we have been friends for a long time. I know you wanted to hang out last week and am sorry I could not. I have the feeling you wanted to tell me something? I have something to tell you as well, I hope it doesn't ruin our friendship. I am gay."

    Just a thought.

    Dean
     
    #4 johndeere3020, Mar 24, 2017
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)