Hey everyone, so, I guess something similar has probably already been posted at least a hundred times but I'm just really confused right now and because I don't have any friends in the LGBT community, I decided to just write down my thoughts in here. I'm a 22 year old girl, who spent her entire life living in different places and countries. That's why it has always been difficult for me to build up strong and meaningful friendships and relationships. Actually, I've never had a boyfriend or a girlfriend yet. I have been dating a couple of guys, yes, but nothing really serious. I figured out that I wasn't entirely straight 2 years ago, when I first fell in love with a girl but then found out that she was straight and had a boyfriend (the usual thing :bang: ) Then, last year, I did an internship in Spain where I finally met someone (also from my country - Germany) who I felt entirely connected to. I actually really do believe that we are soulmates in some way. We were together all the time and I remember that the last day before she went back to Germany she said that she feared that back home we would only be able to see each other for at most a weekend, so it probably wouldn't be the same anymore. However, also after my internship we talked to each other everyday, I came to visit her hometown and met her family. We held hands all the time and she actually once said that she felt like being in a relationship with me, only that the physical part was missing. In November 2016 my father was diagnosed with cancer and she was there for me like nobody else. I live in Scandinavia now and despite the high telephone costs, she called me all the time just to know how I was doing until my father passed away in December. Even though my hometown in Germany is 8 hours away from hers and she never actually met my dad, she came to his funeral. I never thought that I would ever meet someone like her and I realized that I don't only love her like I love my other friends, no, she means everything to me. I miss her all the time and I know that I want to hold her hand again, I want to hug and kiss her. The only problem is: she has a boyfriend. I feel like I might lose her if I would talk to her about my feelings, especially now that she is in an actual relationship. What do you guys suggest? Any advice? Thank you so much in advance, I'm just so happy that I finally found a good place to write down what's going on in my mind and soul.
Welcome to EC! I'm sure there will be more thoughts from others but my first question is whether she is bisexual. Because if she's not, you're out of luck, unfortunately. But if she is, I suppose you could give her current relationship a bit of time to see if it's serious and whether you have any chance with her. From the sounds of it, she certainly considers you an important person in her life and someone she definitely cares about. Her actions during your father's illness and ultimate passing are evidence that you are special to her. The only problem is knowing what kind of special. I hope she comes to her senses and forgets about that boyfriend.
She seems like a very special person, and I'm glad she's been there for you in your life, especially with everything you've gone through. Things will likely change in your dynamic if you tell her about your feelings, it's a matter of trying to determine if things will change for the better, or the worse. It sounds like you have a deep connection; have you two ever physically crossed over onto the romantic side of things? ex. kissing? I know sometimes it can be hard to tell because some straight girls can be very touchy and affectionate, without realizing they are leading you on...
This is a bit of a tricky situation to be in, because it's unclear exactly what her sexual orientation is just based on what you wrote. I will say, though, that the comment she made that everything is good but the physical part is missing is probably a sign that you guys will never be more than friends. Then again, perhaps she doesn't know because she hasn't tried it, but that can't really be tested at the moment considering that she has a boyfriend. I think regardless of what's going on with her, you need to figure out what will work best for you. For me personally, if I had a super hard crush on a friend, I typically would rather not stay super close friends with them if it means constantly having to deal with the agony of unrequited love. In that case, I'm willing to get some distance from the friendship to regain my sanity and start looking for someone who wants to be with me. But, people are different, and maybe for you maintaining the friendship is more important than expressing your romantic interest in her. Only you can decide that. I do believe, though, that good friendships can survive a person's expression of unrequited romantic interest. If you did tell her though you should make it clear that in no way are you trying to interfere with her relationship, but that you felt like you needed to share that to explain perhaps why you would need to take a little time away from the friendship to heal. Viel Glück!
