Hi Everyone, I'm a 28 years old female and happily married to a man. We've been together for 8 wonderful years. I've known for a few years now that I'm also sexually attracted to women, but have never had anything close to being with a woman (not even a kiss). In the past two years or so, I feel like I desperately want to experiment with a women, to the point that I think about it every day. To make things worse, a good girlfriend of mine who is single recently told me that she had a brief relationship with a woman for the first time, and that it was amazing. Since then I feel jealous of her and became kind of obsessed with it. I talked with my husband about wanting to experiment with a woman and he said that he doesn't want me to do it, because it would feel like cheating to him. I can understand him, because I would probably feel the same way if he had approached me with the same issue. But I can't shake these thoughts and fantasies. I feel very sad that I can't have this experience. I explained it to my husband but he still feels that he can't agree to it. I'm very much against cheating and going behind his back, but I hate the thought of never being able to try it. What should I do? I don't even have a specific question, I just don't know how I should deal with this situation. Thanks
Welcome to EC :welcome: You might want to post in the LGBT Later in Life forum, where you will find many people who have discovered a similar revelation (the burning desire to be with a member of the same gender). At a high level you have the following options Stay married and ignore the situation (not recommended) Stay married and monogamous (and find non-sexual ways to express yourself) Stay married and open the marriage (off the table for now) Stay married and cheat (off the table) Separate and divorce In deciding among these, you'll first need to figure out how strongly attracted you are to women. Are you predominantly attracted to women, men, or is it equal?
Perhaps you should go to talk to a qualified therapist who could help you process your feelings. You asked your husband already twice and he rejected your proposal. Don't pester him again with it as asking until he caves is manipulative and shows that you don't really respect his stance.
Thanks so much for your resonse. What do you mean by finding non-sexual ways to express myself? (like what?). The last option is also off the table for me because I love him and want to stay with him. Thanks for the suggestion to post in the Later in Life forum, I'm new here so I'm still learning about the different forums. Regarding your question, I really don't know who I'm more attracted to. I guess I'll be able to figure out after experiencing it. I know that most of my life I've fallen in love with men. But as far as sexual attraction goes I really don't know. ---------- Post added 26th Mar 2017 at 04:59 AM ---------- You are right. He already thought I was being manipulative the second time we talked. A therapist might be a good idea. Thanks!
I replied to the thread in the LGBT Later in Life section but wanted to point out that your husband is equally disrespectful by discounting and ignoring your feelings and attributing them to manipulation. This tells me that you will have to push a little harder to get him to take you seriously. Pragmatically though you should use a different tactic to get his attention. Working with a therapist and then getting their input on how to engage with your husband might be just the thing.
