Hello everyone. Well, I dont know how to begin so I ll be straight. I am a FtM teenager and I really suffer in the girls role. I never was very feminine, however my mother always forced me to be like a girl. Well, basically she desperately wants me to a be a girl. Which is kinda problem. Recently I told her that I wanna change my gender. She said she understands and will support me. However that lie didnt last even till next day. She started to say things like "But Im happy you are a girl" or "I ve always wanted to have a girl". Just like that decision is up to her. Actually I dont think she wants to understand me or accept it. Another problem is that she believes in God who makes no mistakes. "So if you were born as a girl then you are girl." these are her words. Which leaves me asking. So, to her, I am a mistake which her precious god made? Doesnt she see how much is she hurting me with these words? To be fair my mother has a tough life and she turned to God as her last hope. However she kinda has problem with confronting reality now, she lives in her happy world. But that means everything is how she wants it to be. Even after I tried talking to her about my "problem" many times and tried reasoning, she didnt listen. She pushed it away from her and keep pretending like I never said anything. Also she started saying things about my future, obviously my future as a girl. It really pains me because she only cares about future which she wants for me and not the future I want. I dont wanna push her because I dont want her to break down (again), however my nerves are at its end. If this goes on sooner or later Ill blow up. I have very complicated relationship with her and do not see her as child should see its parent anymore. I like her but on the other hand I cant stand how selfish she is. I want to be me and I wanted her to love me they way I am,not the way she is forcing me into. But Im afraid she is not able to do that, not anymore. So all I want now is her to simply accept it, to acknowledge the reality. However she is obviously determined not do that. Anyone has any idea what could work on convicing her? I dont wanna end up hating my mother but right now she does her best to push me in that direction.
I know it's infuriating, but you have to go slowly. I'm struggling with that myself and I know it seems like she's not trying, but I'm sure deep down she is. Occasionally bring up the topic - you don't even need to relate it to yourself. Just talk about it and help her to slowly understand the concept. Also, if God made you the way you are, God made you trans. Even if he didn't, the whole point of religion is love. Hate is not derived from religion, it's derived from fear. The main teaching in many religions is that no matter what sin or other thing occurs, love should still conquer it. It's impossible to say when she'll come to terms with it, sometimes people can take even 10 years (which sounds painful, trust me i know). Stay in touch with those that make you feel safe and secure, and don't push her too much as tempting as it may be. I'm sorry I can't be the best of help but I really do hope things can get better - feel free to message me if you ever need anything <3
How old are you? As long as you're dependent on your mom, you may have to find safe outlets to express yourself if your mom keeps being negative. Try and repare yourself for some type of independence, like going for college.
resu I am 18 years old and yea I wil go on the college as soon as I can. However that wont solve my problem it is only temporary solution.
Besides college, which will give you some much needed space from your family, you might consider a part-time job. As for your mom, she probably needs outside input. Do you think you have any aunts/uncles or other relatives who are more tolerant and could talk to her about this? Also, if she was willing, she could attend a meeting by a local PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) group. Also, you should develop your own support network of accepting and supportive friends/family. Many colleges will have LGBT groups, and you might consider talking to a counselor at those colleges about your family problems (stress can negatively affect your performance).
Since you are 18, you could just start off with a part-time job and save up enough to move out and support your own transition. But I feel your pain because my parents are the same way. I'm trapped in this body until I'm 18 and they say they will never help me with financing the transition.
