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Dad & Others Still call me by my old/Dead name

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Ushiromiya Red, Apr 9, 2017.

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  1. Ushiromiya Red

    Ushiromiya Red
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    Location:
    Rokkenjima
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Please note I'm not transgender but I have been going through my own identity crisis for awhile now. Ok I suppose I should start at the beginning. No I'm not going to go into crazy detail, but allow me to give you a brief synopsis of my story. So here goes nothing.....

    Since about sometime late last year (like October-ish or even before that) I started to become disassociated with my dead name (given birth name). And then some would probably argue "*insert birth/given name here* isn't a painful name". Well I would probably counter with, "You haven't been where I've been, you haven't suffered through the hell I've had to suffer the past couple of years.":bang: Anyway back to my main point.

    Well like I said I've started coming disassociated with my given name and after a LOT of thinking/consideration and what have you, I decided to go through the legal process to change my name.

    Enter early February of this year, finally paid my due, filled out/filed the complicated paperwork and started the name change process. And now fast forward to April where just last week I finally had my hearing where my name change was approved by the Judge and court.

    Well as you can imagine I was very happy about this, however my dad and family...um not so much....:tears::eek: (please note that my dad had found out about the name change earlier and knew it would be happening)

    So this past week since about last Tuesday, yes I know my new name is only about a week old now and it might take some people some time to get used to that. Yes I know all that. But basically anytime my dad or somepony else calls me by my dead name I inwardly feel myself die a little. Because everytime somepony like my dad calls me by my dead name I feel like that is a stab at me, and it feels like my identity is being flushed down the toilet proverbially speaking.

    So this past week has been hard due to that. It has made me feel very stressed out. Basically that is why I am typing this post here because I really don't know what to do/say to get my dad and others to call me by my actual name. Please help! :help:

    And I've googled to see if anypony else has had similar issues, most of those did not really help me. :confused:
     
    #1 Ushiromiya Red, Apr 9, 2017
  2. Worker Bee

    Worker Bee
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    (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)
     
    #2 Worker Bee, Apr 9, 2017
  3. Kira

    Kira
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    It seems this is a fairly common issue, and yet I still lack an efficient or plausible solution.

    As a start I would say, possibly sit them down and "have a talk". Let them know how important it is to you, and that even if they do not understand it, it still hurts all the same. Tell them it's your name, and you'd prefer to be referred to by name, as simple respect and common courtesy.

    Heck, if that doesn't change their minds, you could always stop calling them by name for a little while. It's not like everyone calling them the wrong name throughout their lives, but it might help them understand?

    I'm not the best on this sort of advice but it could be worth a shot?
     
    #3 Kira, Apr 9, 2017
  4. Really

    Really
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    Do you think it's malicious or could it be just habit on their part? I know it can be hard remembering to use people's new names when the change first happens. Even something as common as asking to be called by your proper name and not the nickname everyone knows you by.

    If I were you, I'd try not to take it personally and just do a simple correction whenever they say the wrong name. So...

    Them: "Blah blah blah, Wrong name. So what do you think?"
    You: "Right name. I think..."

    Just slip it in as a gentle reminder this is what you answer to. After a little while, if it persists, I'd ask them to please try to remember your correct name. And then I suppose you could stop responding when they use the wrong one. It's not that hard but initially, they do need a bit of time to get out the habit of using the old name.

    Good luck. :thumbsup:
     
    #4 Really, Apr 9, 2017
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