(NonLGBT related) Things family shouldn't say about family.

This is going to seem like nothing or not a big deal to a lot of people, but if I don't talk about it somewhere, I might just crawl into a bathtub and cry and be lonely for the rest of the day.

So I'm brushing my teeth after having a late breakfast. My bedroom door is open and I hear my younger brother talking, or I guess fussing at my mom in the other room.

I don't hear much of their conversation, but I hear enough to know they're talking about me. Specifically the part where my younger brother goes "That fat bitch (my name) something, something" and then said it again not even a minute later, "I don't know where the fat bitch is"

I have struggled with my weight for all my life. I lost 60 pounds in 2014 only to gain it all back when I got into an emotionally abusive relationship. My "brother" knows this. He knows my weight is the most hurtful thing anyone could attack about me. It's been the first thing anyone trying to be mean to me has pointed out about me, even when I was a child.

Why am I fat? Well, our parents didn't understand nutrition and literally raised us on BurgerKing during our developmental years.

My weight makes me feel unsexy, my weight grosses me out, my weight makes me uncomfortable around other people, my weight keeps me from letting people take pictures of me. My weight is a problem and it's one I'm very sensitive about.

I didn't want his insincere apology so I turned him away and my mother accused me of starting an argument. Tension has been high in this household as of late. I would leave if I could, but anyone reading this who also read my introduction thread, you likely know why I don't have the financial means to do so at the moment.

Anyways, I just wanted to rant a little so I can feel like I talked to someone about it. I don't need the "ignore him" advice. He's my little brother and I honestly thought we were closer than that. It also hurts that mom didn't say anything to him about it, other than just peeking in my room to see if I was home and saying "She's home and she heard you."

Gee, thanks mom. I mean, don't try to comfort me yourself or anything.

I have no idea what I've done lately, but I feel like my family is drifting away from me. I'm no saint, no, but I don't talk about my family behind their backs or when I think they can't hear me. I guess posting on this forum counts as talking about them behind their backs, but it's the first time I've done anything like it.

People do worse things every day, I know. I know. But my family is my world, and I feel... lonely, betrayed, hurt, unloved, like a problem. It's not pleasant, and I feel really bad for anyone who's made to feel this way on a daily basis...

Anyway, rant/rambling over. I need to compose myself so I can take mom grocery shopping...

 

After being emotional about the situation (perhaps unreasonably so), I got over it and let my brother apologize. He said he was just angry yesterday and was cussing everyone - that's not an excuse if you ask me, but he's forgiven.

It's hard to explain why something like this would hit me so hard. It was coming from a family member, and when I thought about it, I was able to admit that a stranger calling me a "fat bitch" would have little affect on my mood. I mean, like I pointed out it's usually the first insult people go for when they're being mean towards me, but I think in all honesty I probably have built up a little armor to it by now.

What hurt so bad yesterday about it was the family tie. My brother and I are close siblings, and the fact things have been so high strung and just generally mean around this household for a while that made it a bigger deal to me than it should have probably been.

Thank you, everyone who took a peek, even if you might have thought I was over-reacting. Just typing about it really did help me feel better yesterday, as the event had literally just happened when I made the post.

Basically, thank you guys for just letting me vent.