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Advice on friendships

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Leftward, Apr 13, 2017.

  1. Leftward

    Regular Member

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    Hi,

    So I've recently gone through a long period of having no attraction or feelings for anyone, and now I'm slowly starting to feel things again. The problem is, I'm developing feelings for all the wrong people, people I'm friends with, who are unavailable. I've always felt lonely for some reason or other, whether because I had unrequited feelings for people or whether I just didn't seem to connect romantically with anyone at all. Now I'm experiencing the former again. It's like a vicious circle.

    Furthermore, I'm afraid that my new feelings for a friend of mine will ruin our friendship. I can already notice myself withdrawing from interactions with her for fear of her noticing I like her as more than a friend.

    Any advice?
     
  2. mbanema

    Full Member

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    Don't beat yourself up over liking one of your friends. Your concerns are valid, but you can't control who you like and it's a waste of energy worrying about things you can't change. There's also nothing wrong with not liking anybody; it proves that you're not seeking a relationship just for the sake of not being along, and quite honestly it can be nice to have a break from the mental exhaustion that comes with having someone else constantly occupying your thoughts. It's wonderful when it happens, but sometimes it's good to recharge.

    As for acting on your feelings, that's another question entirely. You know what the pros and cons are of telling your friend, whether there's any chance of anything evolving from being open, and whether or not you could even handle keeping it a secret. For what it's worth, I haven't liked many people, but I've told those that I have and have never regretted it for a second, even though my affection has never been reciprocated. It sucks and it hurts sometimes, but for the most part it makes me feel good that I'm capable of feeling that way about another person and that there's someone actually worth that level of emotion.