I recently came out to my parents as agender. I have three non-binary friends and three friends that are girls. My friends and I are all 14. My mom doesn't think my friends and I can be trusted at a sleepover. We all have a female body, and they are the smartest, most mature 14-year-olds that I know. I can't convince my mom that we aren't "sexually experimenting" with other people, which is stupid, but she doesn't want to put me in that situation. She can't see the difference between this and a completely unsupervised boy-girl sleepover. Next year, we're all going to different schools, and I will lose all of my friends if we can't hang out outside of school. Does anyone have ideas about situations like this?
I don't necessarily disagree with your mom. 14 is quite young and I think given the situation with you and your friends, her concerns as a mother are valid. It is after all her responsibility to make sure you are being safe regardless of how mature you and your friends are. However, that doesn't mean you can never see your friends outside of school? Is sleeping over the only time you have to hangout? You should also find other things to do with your friends. Alternatively, if you do want to sleepover, are there compromises you can make such as sleeping with the door open, or having them sleep in a different room? Or sleep in a common area? Maybe this way your mom will be a bit more accommodating to you.
Well, let's narrow the focus a bit. Your mother "doesn't think my friends and I can be trusted at a sleepover." It shouldn't matter much to your mother what your friends do - solely what YOU do. Given that, would you strongly agree with these statements? 1. I have absolutely no interest in doing anything physical with any of these friends. 2. My friends are well-aware of this fact. If any of them attempt anything physical, I will strongly rebuff them, and it will negatively impact the friendship from that point on, and may in fact put it in jeopardy. If you do agree with those two statements, then I'd say those are the two statements you need to impress upon your mother. They would posit you as somebody who knows their boundaries and is determined to maintain them. Now, it may be the case that you DON'T agree with those two statements. Maybe you actually do want something physical to happen. Or maybe you're not sleeping over specifically hoping that will happen, but you're totally on board with it if "things start to happen". If so, well, I think you'll have a lot harder time convincing your mother to come around to your way of thinking. Lex
