Hi For reasons mostly beyond my control I am still in the closet. TLDR: coming out right now could possibly jeopardize me ever coming out due to me not being self sufficient at the moment and being out could jeopardize me becoming self sufficient. Suffice to say I'm stuck with my dysfunctional family, all 6 (including me) under the same roof. My dad and my grown up older sister are constantly stressed out and fight constantly. It's kind of shocking my parents haven't divorced a long time ago. And everyone kinda hates each other, but we're basically stuck together and have to use one another to get away from each other. Yet some still wonder why I avoid them a lot. I sort of just withdraw into my little world of music and dreams. I don't really have anyone to talk to about this, being a consummate loner. I don't know if I'm asking for advice or just sympathy. Either would be appreciated.
Hey fierceclover, I'm sorry that you are in such a tough position at the moment. But you're not in any immediate danger, or at risk of being disowned by your family unless you Come Out, are you? You said that you are kind of stuck in your current situation in order to have a chance to become self-sufficient. Do you have a clear plan for becoming self-sufficient? Have you looked for alternative plans that don't require you to remain dependent on your family while you work to become self-sufficient? You also said that you like to withdraw into your world of music and dreams. Do you actually play or create music or do you simply like to listen to it? I can understand that you are a loner, but have you considered making an effort to get out there and find a friend or two? Someone with whom you can just be you and get some relief from hiding who you are from your family? Just some thoughts.
Don't worry. Things really do get better with time, Sooner or later you'll be out of your house and Living on your own, You'll be you. And You stay You. That's all that matters
Hi, I'm in a similar situation with my family. I avoid them because of a fear of not being accepted by them for who I am, so I find it easier to just withdraw rather than to face my fears. The arguments just make everything worse. I'm not sure if that is the case with you though. I agree with Quantumreality, a great relief for me was to have someone who I could tell everything to without the fear of being judged. If you're struggling to come out, have you tried to join a support group in your area maybe?
Hi, I can relate because my family was fairly chaotic growing up. My parents had a terrible relationship and fought constantly so there was always tension in the house. It all changed when I moved out to go to college. It does get better. Hang in there.
Thank you so much for replying. I'm 90% percent sure that I'm not in danger of being disowned, but that 10% still nags me even though it may be entirely imagined. Some of my family would be much more accepting than others, I think. Unfortunately I'm not very close to those that I presume (from their politics) would be more accepting. I don't have a clear cut path for becoming self sufficient due to an option for affordable college being in limbo. You're right, I do need to think more about a plan, but I find it hard to be motivated and energized I'm taking singing lessons and write a lot of probably terrible songs that I never let anyone hear (I don't really have any skills with instruments). But mostly I mean listening to music. When it comes to friends, most of the places I might find friends are rather conservative. Also we're getting ready to move. Also i'm self conscious and awkward. Also i make lots of excuses for myself :rolle: ---------- Post added 16th Apr 2017 at 08:56 PM ---------- Thank you so much for the encouraging words. It means a lot! :newcolor: ---------- Post added 16th Apr 2017 at 09:00 PM ---------- Hmm, that does sound eerily familiar. It would be wonderful to have friends in "real life" but I struggle with this a lot, partly because of my surroundings, partly because of me. It's wonderful being able to talk to all of you though ---------- Post added 16th Apr 2017 at 09:06 PM ---------- Glad your situation improved. Thank you for the kind words
Hey fierceclover, I understand completely about your fear of Coming Out to anyone in your family. It is probably the hardest thing for most of us to do - Coming Out to parents and other close family members. We rely on them for such support and unconditional love that even the slight possibility of being judged harshly and/or being disowned by them is a devastating prospect. Moving all the time definitely makes it hard to develop real friendships. That's probably why you consider yourself such a loner. But finding someone with whom you can bond can be extremely important, especially at your age. Talking to someone in real life could really help you, even if it's not a friend. Is there any chance you could see a therapist? Maybe tell your parents it's because you are dealing with depression or something like that? The reason I asked about your music was to see if there is a possibility that you might be able to apply for a scholarship that way - then you wouldn't need to attend a conservative institution such as your Dad works for and still be able to pay for college. Regardless, you could still search online for scholarships for which you may very well be eligible, if you want to consider going a more independent route. You said that you are still questioning your sexuality, but that you know that you like guys. If you're interested, here are a couple of YouTube videos that discuss bisexuality. Perhaps they can give you a little more clarity on your sexuality. Are You Bisexual - Quiz How to Tell if You're Bisexual - Is Bisexuality a Choice?
