heart broken. I think she likes me more than a friend

I met this girl about 4 months ago and yes im a girl too. we lived together in a shared house with other women (very strict no visitors). we became good friends and others noticed how close we were. over a month ago i left to live in my own home. when I left i didnt say by to her face to face cause she was out, so we said goodbye in a text.
we clearly missed each other
when I left we began messaging nonstop. friendly texts became very flirty which she started the whole flirting. at first i took it a joke even though I did feel something for her before hand. texts started to become more intense. out of the blue using emojis she kissed me along with a smurk & sad, i didnt know what to do so i replied with laughs, smile & kiss then back she replied angry, sad and shocked. after we just sent random gifs til we feel asleep, then we awake with more intimate texts. this was continuous for several days. 1 night I had enough & tried to get words from her it was like a soft argument she wouldn't tell me then both fell asleep, i woke up and wrote "i do like you" i felt really guilty so i texted her "sorry" she said "sorry about what?" "I don't know" so I don't know how she felt.
everything still continued but there was less flirting and I wondered why? I felt she was scared to admit her feelings. time carried on and still texted non stop without question. she confronted me with a hint and I hinted back which gave me an impression that shes got mixed emotions and demons.
then I found out. she couldn't tell me straight up, but she mentioned her new bf in a text and she keep it hush hush telling people she wernt seeing anyone to the point where it just adds up.
she still texts me and still flirts with me, I don't like it and there's so much emotional pain. she seems to text me a lot when shes not with him and i know for definite. her convos with me get really deep mostly about her past even admitted shes unsure about her bf and she acts really childish and annoys me on purpose cause she misses me she tells me. I think i really do have love for her but I can only know until I see her in person if she loves me or shall I just back away all together. even as friends we have a spiritual romantic connection. shes really hurt me but wont admit that either. I just want to know what's actually going on between us even if we can't be together ill accept that
:bang:

 

hi! thank you. as a friend I love her. i can read her like a book. i see her for who she is but she wears masks that ive seen straight through and love what i see even if she doesnt see it. shes very confident and way more out going than me, she takes a shine to me cause im quite wise as a person maybe im someone who just really understands her. so hopefully in the future ill get the real answer. but if she really "loves" her boyfriend then I love her enough not to ruin that for her. she sends me shivers so I know all the i feel is bouncing of our souls so in that sense im prepared for anything as the body and mind is nothing without the soul. if things don't go well at least the soul will live on even if there's damage.

---------- Post added 21st Apr 2017 at 04:02 PM ----------

hello. thanks you
the more I think about her i feel like i do love her. in a way we're in each others sickness. everytime i have doubts with her she keeps painting us in a picture. recently I've been helping her fight off her demons ive even told her to see a counselor but she wants me to do it all for her but what if im not around forever for her. we come from very different paths. every little psychological thing shes attacked me with. even before this all got out ive had a series of dreams about her with various messages that reflect on the reality of us including the warnings and dangers mad how that happens. :lol:

 

our situations a bit like that Elvis song Marie's the name eventhough ive not met him

A very old friend came by today
'Cause he was telling everyone in town
Of the love that he just found
And Marie's the name of his latest flame

He talked and talked and I heard him say
That she had the longest blackest hair
The prettiest green eyes anywhere
And Marie's the name of his latest flame

Though I smiled the tears inside were a-burnin
I wished him luck and then he said goodbye
He was gone but still his words kept returnin
What else was there for me to do but cry

Would you believe that yesterday
This girl was in my arms and swore to me
She'd be mine eternally
And Marie's the name of his latest flame

 

I dont know how I'm gonna get over this if it's not to be. I need explaining from her, what I assume shes not known this guy for very long. I know she can be quite lustful especially towards men but shes been through bad experiences though I don't know how she feels about women. the way shes looked in the past at me makes me think shes bi the way shes looked at me with a deep glare. when i compliment her even if it's something little, she doesn't shut up about it and tells everyone. another thing I've noticed when there's a group of people in a room it feels we're fitted together (as friends) but when others mention us as a couple she goes dead silent and when people talk about the gay scene shes dead silent again I watch her body language when shes next to me she looks down and i do too

 

yeah we are going through something very hard together. I think she need to compose her cues better, shes defently got something to confess good or bad. shes such a caring loving person but at the same time uncaring in a childish way. i wont go into detail about her past, but shes had her dramas with men and she really worries. before she got with her now boyfriend she told everyone that she wasnt ready for a realstionship as before him she was dating someone she wasnt sure about and shes aways consernded about her sex life more than the guys shes with. shes not a slut but she can be very spontaneous. she gets male attention everywhere she goes. she claims to like a "bad boy" like a protector. almost she sees men in a fictional way and doesnt see people for who they are and that makes me worry. shes like a professional heartbreaker. shes told me shes more herself around me and ive given her confidence and i think thats very cute. shes even given me a few stares. i think she looks up to me she always tells me im wise or intelligent to the point she dumbs herself down and i dont like that cause id rather be her equal. i dont thinks shes intentionally hurting me to bully me, its more like provoking me to tease me. i just want her to tell her truths instead of throwing our friendship in my face. its a bit of a love hate type of cycle at the moment. i just want her to be stable and steady in her own mind wether shes straight, bi or gay.
ive talked to another friend about her. she said there might be something but to be warned.

---------- Post added 23rd Apr 2017 at 06:21 AM ----------

strangely the way she flirts with me is how i sorta used to flirt with girls i liked when i was about 14. its the teasing pattern that gets me. were both in our early 20s

 

Im not sure if should write her a letter to help us get to the right terms with each other. cause i feel face to face ill have a hard time confronting her. i did try writing a letter but it juust kept making me upset or i dont know how to state it all to her. theres i definite chance i will see her and i just want closure and things to be made clear.

 

hello. thanks for sharing
its very true the explaining can mean anything. i asked her once what her motives were, she replied "i dont have one" normally the most horrible typical thing with girls when they like you but at same time trying to hide it, is to be as irritating and wrap themselves around you and act childish. when i question her behaviour she doesnt give a solid answer its all "because" or "god knows" ive tried to twist it all and make a path for her to say something. theres no "i dont like you in that way" if she doesnt i wish she said but we keep going down the long path.

---------- Post added 23rd Apr 2017 at 10:46 AM ----------

shes definitely left a mark on my heart. i hope im still in hers. she needs to stop twisting shes really making it unfair for everyone, herself, me, her boyfriend who shes potentially lying to. im paraniod that shes only with her boyfrend to dodge the fact she has feelings for a woman as they got together quickly. i have a right to judge that if i can judge their relationship

---------- Post added 23rd Apr 2017 at 10:53 AM ----------

im sure im in her head cause we do text though night til morning. or if we dont talk she'll suprise me with a text at stupid o' clock in the morning and we carry on again. when shes upset with everyone she thinks the whole world is against her and she wants to see me. to be very honest im actually really scared. it could be an intense romance