I'm in a new relationship with a guy who is a couple of years older than me. He's a really lovely guy who'd do anything for me and I am extremely attracted to him. The only thing is, he doesnt pay me much attention during when we're getting physical. In fact, he often asks me to pleasure him while he ignores me and plays videogames. After he's 'finished' he will just ignore me and carry on playing his video game like normal. Now, dont get me wrong, I find him really hot but I do sometimes feel a bit ignored. Like, I just want a bit of attention in the bedroom department. I feel really bad saying this as he always takes me out on dates and gives me basically anything I want. I told him once before about this but he just told me that I was being needy and that he does so much for me (which he does). At the start of our relationship he would always pay attention to my needs in the bedroom and he was so romantic but now he just tells me to get down there and if I dont, he gets upset. Am I being selfish? I dont know what to do. I feel like I'm being ungreatful really but at the same time I want to feel like he finds me as attractive as I find him. Is he going to break up with me? Please help. ---------- Post added 23rd Apr 2017 at 10:02 PM ---------- Argh, I feel like I am just overreacting now. I dont know whats wrong with me. I am so lucky to have someone like him in my life. He gives me more than I deserve already but I always want more for no reason.
Hey Stride, You definitely are not being selfish. And you’re also not being ungrateful. Physical attraction does NOT make a relationship. A real relationship is much more complex. It is a two-way street (mutual give and take and mutual consideration of each other’s needs) and definitely requires romance. From you description, it rather sounds like he ‘lured you in’ by being affectionate to you but now he simply ‘pays you off’ with dates and buying you things so that you can satisfy his sexual needs. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but that is how I read it. I mean, there is NO emotional connection if he plays video games while you pleasure him. At this point, it’s starting to sound like an abusive relationship if he simply gets upset because you don’t do exactly what he wants. I think you severely underrate yourself if you actually feel that he gives you more than you deserve. You definitely deserve far more than he is apparently willing to put into this ‘relationship.’ Only you can decide that you really want to do, but since it sounds like you are very unhappy and he’s not listening when you try to stand up and make your voice heard in the relationship, it’s time for you to leave him and find someone else who will actually treat you with the respect you deserve and give you a real relationship. My 2cents.
Thanks Quantum. He always pays attention to me when he isnt playing videogames or going to the gym. I think he might get me to do that when he plays video games to give me something to do or something as I am usually just bored otherwise. Its just whenever, in the past, I havent wanted to do it he would get a bit mean and call me things like a cocktease and basically be mad at me until I do it. I need to figure out a way to get him to understand where I'm coming from but everything I say seems to come out wrong. I'm not very good at explaining myself sometimes. One time it turned in to a big argument and he told me to basically go back to my parents house then if I was going to just sit around and do nothing. i was crying and stuff because I didnt want to leave. I dont want him to break up with me over something stupid like this. So, in the end we both apologised to eachother but it didnt resolve the situation really as about 10 minutes later I was down inbetween his legs again. I just want him to understand where I'm coming from. Sometimes I just dont feel in the mood. And its not to do with not finding him attractive or being selfish. I'm just a bit nervous about talking to him about this as I dont want to make him upset with me.
Hey Stride, As I said, a real relationship is two-way. A key foundation to any relationship is constant, open, two-way communication. If there isn't such a communication, one partner or the other will almost certainly become unhappy and the long-term prognosis for such a relationship is very poor. You said that you've tried to be open and talk to him about what's bothering in you in this unequal relationship. If he's ignoring you or verbally and emotionally abusing you by calling you names or minimizing the importance of your feelings, I think you can see where this relationship is headed. In fact, I think you already knew that you were seeing such warning signs, thus the reason that you posted here on EC. You are a very intelligent and thoughtful young man. Do you really want to be in such a relationship when you know that you will continue to be unhappy? How long do you want to remain in this relationship probably getting unhappier and unhappier? And why? Just for the sake of having a boyfriend? The only way it seems that this relationship can be prepared is if he's willing to listen to your needs and give them equal weight. As long as he is so dismissive of you/your needs, you will naturally be unhappy and you certainly deserve much better. My thoughts.
Is there something you like to do solo? Like reading or something? If so, maybe do that when he is playing video games and if he says to suck him off then you can respond with "I'm busy reading honey, maybe later when we're both free" or replace reading with whatever else you like to do. If he calls you selfish for doing something like that, then he is likely just using you. Won't know until you try though.
