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How do I forget

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Chronos, Apr 24, 2017.

  1. Chronos

    Chronos Guest

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    This is something that's haunted me for seven years now... I thought I got over it, but I'm just lying to myself. I want to remember. I want to forget.

    When I was young, I was very shy and introversive. I was an outcast, and I was alone. Until I met Brian. Brian was an outcast too, but he was extroversive and kind. We grew a very close friendship. In elementary school, I was bullied pretty bad, but not as bad as Brian. Somehow, he managed to be positive through it all. He was the kind of guy to dress up nicely on Fridays just because he wanted to. He was so smart, and kind, and he could cheer up anyone. Even shy mopey childhood me... We always ate our lunch fast so we could sneak outside before the jerks came...

    That was until April 30th. We always ate our lunch fast so we could sneak outside before the jerks came... only that day he didn't even eat his lunch, he just went outside without me. I ate my lunch faster than normal to go see what was up. It being Friday, he was wearing a tie and a nice shirt. When I got out there he was on the roof of the playset equipment with his tie tied around one of the base poles. I yelled up to him, "Brian, you don't have to do this..." and he yelled back to me "What do we have to live for anymore?"
    When I couldn't respond, he said this:

    "We all wear masks, we all cover up our problems, we need to just let it all go"

    He didn't dramatically leap or anything, he just kinda scooted off. Its not like in the movies where they flail about, because Brian just gasped a few times and there he went... His makeshift noose didn't hold much longer than that, and the body fell and landed right in front of me... I was petrified... and I blacked out...

    When I came to there was a policeman, probably a detective or something, watching me. He questioned me, and apparently what I said convinced him that I didn't kill him...

    I moved that summer... to where I currently reside near Chicago. It was nice to not have people calling me a murderer, to be able to start fresh. I took him as a model, tried to not be such an uptight shy prick, tried to be nicer, more honest, more open, ect... My parents seem to have blocked the whole incident out of their memory, they try and act like they've forgotten, and maybe they have. I wish I could forget.

    But how do you forget something, no, someone, like that?

    ---------- Post added 24th Apr 2017 at 02:53 PM ----------

    Sorry if I'm ranting... I don't like to rant... :shrug:
     
  2. PotatoPotato

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    it may sound contradictionary but in a sense I am a brian, I always stayd positive and shown a smile. My advice is to NOT take him as a role model. stepping over your issues and giving a smile and a positive thought doesn't solve underlying problems, it will make you and the people around you feel better for a few minutes but it does nothing against depression and/or serious issues.

    This will sound horrible but you shouldn't and you won't forget him or what happened. Try writing a letter to him. Sounds silly? It isn't that silly if you think about it, what do you do when someone leaves? you say your byes and depending on how long some extra words or a little chat to close off whatever. When someone goes you can't and you can become stuck with emotions you can't show, can't really have or feel anymore but are stuck and keep eating on yourself.

    That alone likely won't help you out of it all completely but it may make you able to remember Brian for who he was and the fun times you had, instead of what happened; the way he died and the sorrow of not being able to have those fun times again.

    You certainly didn't rant by the way; know you are brave for coming here and saying what you said and acknowledging there is an issue. Some people don't. Some people put on a smile and try to help and think about others while letting themselves rot. Some people try to smile; to be happy, and really are happy at that moment, but it is nothing compared to the blur of sadness and depression. I am not blaming Brian; I hoped this little piece of text makes you realise what Brian meant with wearing masks and why trying to be the way he used to be now isn't the right solution.

    Being that way should be the result of whatever solution you have gotten or are (trying) to take; which I hopefully gave you some helpfull advice with; not the solution directly to your issue, as it isn't. It is just a mask you put up for others; and for yourself.

    Hope I helped with what I written; and I'll check up again in a few days if you responded as I don't mind talking some more with you about it if you want.
    A big (Very awkward) bro-hug for you, you deserve a hug after all this; Regards; the stuff everyone's favourite dinner is made of; Fries, Potato Fries. (Yeah, cringe)
     
  3. Sebby45

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    Firstly, I am so sorry you had to lose your friend like that. (*hug*) You are by no means ranting.

    I don't think you should try to forget someone like that, and I think it is wonderful that you can take Brian as an example and be a better person because of him. It honors his memory.

    As to others, I'm sure it affects them all differently. And maybe your parents haven't forgotten, they just think they might upset you by bringing it up.

    Sebby45 (*hug*)
     
  4. Chronos

    Chronos Guest

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    Thanks for the support!
    As much as I'd love to be as optimistic, caring, cheery, and social as he was, I also don't want to shut my feelings in, because we know how that ended up for him... :shrug:

    And you know what? I'm going to go make myself some cheese fries :grin:
     
  5. PotatoPotato

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    Did I hear fries? how dare you eat my kind.

    No problem; if you need any more advice (Especially if you have questions); Feel free to either post here or send me a private message :wink:
     
  6. photoguy93

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    I can honestly say that was not the story I was expecting. Holy shit - - how horrible to witness!

    First off, I think it's something you cannot forget. It will always be a part of your life - however, with acceptance and understanding, you can move past it.

    I really like the suggestion of writing a letter. Or, if you have a smart phone, maybe keep a note on there. Like, just keep writing and getting your thoughts and feelings out.

    I think you also need to forgive him at some point, too. He was hurting, but he also hurt you. He caused you a lot of pain that you did not need.

    Again, I hope you find proper peace with this.