Hey guys, So I fell in love with my best friend you guys know how it goes. About 7 months ago I told him everything about how I felt, and he told me he's straight and things were definitely weird for a while after that. Then maybe 4 months ago I texted him again saying that I was sorry for everything and I just want to be friends and I was working on moving on and he said that we were cool and since then things have been a little more normal. In that text I also swore on my life I'd never bring it up again as it makes him kinda uncomfortable talking about it. So now I think I've pretty much completely moved on from him in a romantic/sexual way but I'm not exactly sure how to show that to him. I'm trying to show him I still care about him as a person, because I don't want him to think I only was best friends with him because I was into him, but I think he might be misinterpreting this as me still being in love with him. And I know he really wants me to move on. I was thinking of maybe texting him one more time and saying something like... I know I told you I'd never bring this up again but I thought you should know I finally moved on from you. And I'll always care a lot about you as a friend... or something like that idk. But I'm worried he'll just think this is weird idk.... but if I don't straight up tell him something like this how do I show him that I care about him without him thinking I still love him.. this shit is confusing idk. I just want us to be friends like we were before all this shit.... Any advice would be greatly appreciated
Having gotten to the point of being able to move on, it does seems like your trying to bring actual closure to the situation, allowing yourself to truly move on emotionally. This is a great place to be knowing there is no future for this relationship. You comment about wanting to show him you still care for him as a person, but don't want him to think you were best friends because you were into him is noble indeed. However, is the reality something different? Maybe are you really just trying to find a way to forgive yourself? And your comment that he really wants you to move on may very well indeed also be true, but is the truth more likely that you really want to move on? And if your really trying to find a way to forgive yourself, move on, and close the door with a lock and key, does it require that you say anything at all to him at this point? Can't you simply forgive yourself, completely cut the emotional cord, close the door, and move on? I think you might very well be able to do just that. All that said, having the discussion with him no doubt will bring finality and closure for you just the same. And even though you told him you would never bring it up again, think about the two outcomes of bringing it up compared to not bringing it up: If you do not bring it up, there may always be a lingering doubt amongst each of you about the others intentions. That lingering doubt will most likely interference with his friendship going forward, the ultimate impact of which is unknown. If you do bring it up, you bring closure for yourself and you make it perfectly clear to him you have moved on. This allows your relationship to start fresh and put the emotions behind you. He may react uncomfortably from having the communication again with the ultimate impact to the relationship unknown, or he might accept it for what it is and move forward anew. So in the end, I do not see much downside with whichever way you decide to go. The risks are the same in each, but the outcome of you telling him is more definitive for your own ability to move on. In a nutshell, my suggestion would be when you see him next, simply tell him in no uncertaint terms you have moved on. Thereafter see where the chips falls. I think you may find both you and he are in a good place having done so.
