I'm a twenty year old bisexual female, engaged to a male. I'm mostly closeted, with only a few close people--including my fiance--knowing about my sexuality. Because of this, I've never had the chance to be with a woman. I now find myself in a happy relationship (engaged) with a man that I love, but lately I've been feeling worried and a little bit sad because at a time in my life where I'm becoming more comfortable with my sexuality, I'm committing myself to a lifelong relationship with a man. I couldn't be happier with him, but in a way I feel that I'm missing out on a part of myself, even turning my back on my sexuality. I know that whether I marry a man or not, I'll still be bi and I'll still be me, but I've been feeling very anxious and sad about it.
Hey InTheMiddle, Could you be overthinking this? If I understand correctly, your concern revolves around the fact that you've never been with a woman (sexually). But a sexual experience and love are separate things. In fact, in any relationship, let alone marriage, sex is only a small part of the overall relationship. If you love him and are truly willing to commit to him (since you're engaged, that's a significant level of commitment), why are you focused on not having ever had a sexual experience with a woman? Or is the reason that you are getting cold feet possibly something different, but you are consciously using this as an excuse to not explore the real reason? It is not at all unusual to second-guess a major commitment like marriage. Have you discussed this with your fiance? Just my 2cents.
Thank you very much for your advice. I've considered that it may be something as simple as cold feet, as this is a huge commitment. I don't know that it's so much a sexual experience that I've been wishing for as it is that I've been remembering times when I've had feelings for women and not acted upon them just because I wasn't comfortable enough with myself. I guess in a way I'm mourning my own past. It's not that I regret being with my fiance as much as it is that I regret not being more open with myself and my feelings in the past. But, I suppose none of that should really matter since I'm very happy now.
One thing that goes with marriage is compromise. That will always be there, but you already said you are happy and in love, so compromise shouldn't be that difficult. It sounds like you are going to miss some freedoms, or the option of acting on a sexual desire, so you are worried you will have regrets. I would just focus on your happy relationship, a lot of people don't even have that. Best of luck to you!
I think you hit the nail on the head. It's difficult not to be intimidated, but I think you're right. I'm very fortunate. Thank you!
I am going to take a different approach here. One thing not to compromise on in a marriage is whom we are as a person. If you are experiencing these feeling about your sexuality, they maybe trying to tell you something. Your not married yet, so you still have time to decide what makes the most sense. I would strongly consider talking with your fiancé, whom you say knows about your sexuality, and slowing down the marriage process while you can take some time to figure things out a little more clearly. You have one chance to get this right, might as well do it now.
I suppose there would be nothing wrong with slowing things down. There's so much pressure to figure this all out before the big day, and I'm really afraid that it will cause me to make the wrong decision one way or another :/ Thank you for your advice. I'll definitely keep it in mind.
