I know, when my family find out that I'm a lesbian, I'm out of there. They've made it so clear that if I was a lesbian they would be disappointed, embarrassed and would want me out of there. To make it worse, I'm Indian, so when they find out, I will be shipped off to India with no way out of an arranged marriage. They are getting suspicious now that I am part of the LGBT community and I always have to shrug it off as if me being a lesbian isn't possible. I'm 15 and they are already talking about marriage. According to my family, my significant other has to be a man, that's for sure no way around it and Indian. They are so strict that if I marry or even in a relationship with someone who isn't Indian, I'm dead. Literally. Also, I have depression, and being around my family makes it worse. I can't go to a therapist because I'm not allowed out the house without someone with me. The only few times I am is for half an hour only. My family also abuses me. Mainly my dad, but also my mum. My sister just makes everything worse by telling them things that I ask her to keep secret. She also makes things up and they never believe me, only her. Here's an example: I was walking home from school and I got beaten up by a group of men. They didn't do anything else luckily, but when I told my sister what happened and how they cracked my phone, she goes to my parents and says that I tried to break it myself. They believed her. When thinking about going to university, I think by how far it is from where I live at the moment. It's killing me living like this and I can't tell anyone because the last time I did it ended badly. I'm getting suicidal thoughts thinking about the only way of escaping. I don't know what to do and I have to live like this until university, which is two and a half years away, and even then I have to come back home. I know the only way they can know if after I have my own house and a stable job, but I'm losing hope. What can I do to carry on until I'm away from them?
Hey I'm sorry for you and your shitty family. I think there is no way for you to tell your parents about your sexuality, at least while you're living with them. I have a similar problem with my family and honestly I feel like it's killing me but talking about it to a friend who you realy can trust helps. Or even talking about it here might help. I just can say that you have to be strong and play along. Try not to giving your sister a reason to tell your parents a lie. I found out about my sexuality when I was around 14 and there was no way to tell my parents ether. I had to deal with depression and selfharm 'cause I was afraid that if I admit my feelings, things would change into a very bad direction. I didn't told my parents until today but I talked to a few trustworthy friends, and it realy helps. Over the years I learnd how to "stay alive" around my parent by pretending I belive in there mind even if I'm clearly not. Get them to trust you a bit more so you get a bit freedom, even if it's just a quarter of an hour longer to stay outside. If you don't know how, ask me I will help you at anytime with anything. Don't let them break you! You are your own person, wait for your life to begin in a few years when your finally able to move out. Very big hug (*hug*) and stay strong !
