Crush on my friend...what to do

I think that sums up everything well. If you are not afraid of rejection, why not tell her? Tell her what you said here. That she is not alone, that "people" love her. If she is truly your best friend, she should stick by you even if her feelings are not returned. Otherwise, you will always be wondering, "what if?"

Just my thoughts...you are the one to ultimately decide.

Sebby45

 

Sorry I didn't catch that. Maybe try to bring up the conversation again? I know that would probably be awkward too, but it is an opening.

Sorry I can't help you more.

Sebby45

 

Send her a link to this topic.

 

Well, I wouldn't say that the person isn't really a friend if she becomes uncomfortable with finding out that her best friends has romantic feelings for her. For some people, it could feel like they are being burdened and it might make them feel bad that they can't return their friend's feelings or even that they are leading their friend on. It's just not always black and white and if it creates distance, I wouldn't be quick to judge the best friend. I prefer to give everyone in the situation empathy and understanding.

 

Hi jjprentiss, something like this happened to me too, my friend ended up understanding I had feeling for her herself, but when she asked me, at first I denied it, as I was afraid things between us would change. All she was afraid of was to have given me the wrong hints, so to say. She said she wouldn't have been awkward about it or walked away just for that, 'cause if someone special to her as I were loved her, it would have meant a lot to her, even if she didn't like me back. Of course she would have been sorry she couldn't be with me and make me happy... Anyway, when some times passed she asked me again and that time I didn't deny it, and she said she realised she felt something too, so maybe she was just a little bit confused and her words were influenced by that fact. I mean, every situation is different, so I'm not here to tell you 'do like this as for me it's worked', 'cause several other times it didn't but I think that, if you want to confess to her (and you have given quite a noble reason to do it if you ask me) tell her exactly that. That you like her and you can't keep it to yourself anymore, that you sure want to know if it's reciprocal, but mostly you don't want any secrets between the two of you, and you want her to know that she is such a special person that someone like you can love her that way. That you want her to know that best friend you talked about is her, and that you were only insecure about how telling her. Then reassure her not to feel guilty if she doesn't like you back, that what you want the most is that the two of you stay close no matter what, that you can work on it together, but you thought that she deserved to know that somebody loved her and that that somebody is you. And I know that's not this easy and that I'm probably saying stuff you already know (as I told you I was the first to chicken out :lol but I still think honesty is the best way. I wish you luck!

 

I would do something like bringing up the same situation again. "Remember when I talked to you about the person I like? Well...."

If you're not afraid of rejection, then it shouldn't be a huge issue. I've been in your shoes before, so I understand what you're going through.

 

If you want to give it some time, then you can. It might make it a bit less awkward than doing it next meeting, but you also want to do it sooner rather than later to get your answer.

As for me, I got rejected. We stopped talking for about a week so I could sort my feelings of the rejection out, but then it went back to normal. This happened two years ago and we are now celebrating 10 years of friendship this summer. So I couldn't say it was all bad.

 

'Course I don't mind, if I can somehow help just ask

Well, let's say we used to joke a lot, pretending to flirt. The problem was, when she did that, I didn't know if she was jocking or not. One weekend I had a fight with my boyfriend, we were supposed to go on a trip to Florence and it seemed he couldn't make it. I was upset, and I told her how much I would have liked to bring her instead (me and my bf had been fighting for a while, plus I was sure I was in love with her and so I didn't want to be with him even though he said he would come). I told her how special she was and texted soomething that really resembled a poetical declaration of my feelings for her. At first she didn't mind, she was actually really pleased, but then for the rest of the week she texted me in a cold, strange way. She wasn't rude or anything, it just wasn't like her, with me. I asked her a couple of times if something was wrong, but she said politely that everything was fine. At that time I was fearing she found someone she liked and therefore didn't want to flirt or make that kind of jokes with me anymore, and that really felt like I got ice in my stomach, but of course it wouldn't be her fault... When I came back she told me we should talk, and then she asked me if I liked her, I said no, and she told me that she had been cold 'cause she thought that she gave me some hints and made me believe things that weren't true, and so on. After that, things were practically the same, until she went completely mad of jealousy for my boyfriend and she realised that she lied to herself, too. Sometimes we hide out feelings for the sake of our friendship, or because we are scared of getting hurt, you know, but in that way we never know what would happen or how happy we could be. That was an year ago, and we're still together, while I bless the day she asked me a second time if I liked her. I think that if things have to work out in that sense between you two, they just will, otherwise, you will love each other very much as friends as you always did, until you'll move on. Trust me, I think falling for your bestfriend is the most common thing that could happen, 'cause they're someone we have a special connection with. I have had a couple of minor crushes over friends, nothing serious like this one... But it was clear they weren't interested, even without me asking them. Plus, we didn't have that special 'something' that made me think, they deserve to know. After a while I forgot about them, but I still loved them as good friends.

Yes, at first it might hurt if she doesn't like you back, but I can understand that you value your friendship very much, and therefore I'm sure you'll both be able to figure it out

oh, one thing I forgot to mention is that the first thing I told her was that even if I fell for her it didn't mean it was her fault or that she should have felt bad for not loving me in that way

 

All I can say is that I had been in a loosely similar situation, I told my crush how it felt, and even though he didn't feel the same way, we've actually become closer friends as a result.

 

Well she had a girlfriend before me (one month long story), she is quite shy so she didn't really tell me 'I like girls' if not practically after we got together, but all of us knew, even tough it was something like 'she had a girlfriend, so she's probably a lesbian but it's not official'. As for me, I have been wondering about myself since I was 14 or so, I was quite scared of being gay or bi 'cause my mom is pretty homophobic, so I just told myself 'When you'll really find a girl you love, you'll worry about it'. She's the one who outed me basically (I'm 20 btw, and she's 21).