soon there's this girl

she's from my church (which btw is a very lgbtq+ friendly environment at least judging by the fact that probably a fourth of the people i know from there are not straight or cis) and she is the most stunning person i have ever seen in real life and i can't keep my eyes off of her.

recently we had a camp thing and there was this exercise where you were supposed to pair up with someone you didn't know the name of or just didn't know particularly well. she was standing in her group of friends a couple of meters away and i saw her looking around, seeing me and starting to make her way towards me. i panicked because i had been admiring her for a few months. my best friend noticed and she grinned because she knew that i was about to die.

well we talked for the first time and i didn't die. i kept trying to hang out somewhere near her and find possibilities to talk to her during the rest of the weekend. by sunday i knew i was screwed. she likes similar things and likes to be hugged and we just simply seem to fit!

i have seen her at church things and i've talked to her a little bit. i started to add her friends in snapchat and hoped that the app would suggest her next. yesterday it did. we have been snapping pretty regularly since and i'm completely smitten like i honestly didn't remember what it felt like to be CONSTANTLY thinking about someone and all of that, it's actually pretty disgusting.

i have a few problems though. the MAJOR one is that i don't know her orientation. i mean if i saw her i probably would guess that she wasn't at least completely straight. but i hate making assumptions. i know for sure that she has no problems with lgbtq+ and that she isn't very heteronormative. the next big thing is that she is two years younger than me. it doesn't sound too bad but it feels like A LOT. i mean, i'm going to be of age in a couple of months, starting my last year of upper secondary school while she hasn't even been accepted to one yet! i feel like a creepy old person trying to seduce someone young and innocent and sweet. i'm also very stalkerish so i doubt that she would like that.

i don't even know what i'm saying or thinking. other than her of course. my friends are either tired of hearing about her or teasing me about various things, like the age difference, so i'm just trying to rant it out a little.

thank you to anyone who made it through this extremely unclear and grammatically incorrect wave of feelings.