So I'm 17, a junior in highschool, and there's a guy in my tech theatre class who's 15, a freshman. When the school year started, I wasn't aware of my sexuality yet and I was still hoping for a girlfriend. When I first saw this guy, with his stylish clothes and gorgeous hair, I figured he was some preppy, rich kid who wouldn't contribute to the class at all and for some reason, from the first time I saw him, my gut reaction was to have pure contempt for him. Fast forward to December, and I couldn't stop fantasizing about what it would be like to make out with him and I found myself staring at him all the time. Looking back on these past 6 months, he played a key role in me discovering my sexuality and the slow, three-steps-forward-five-steps-back process that it's been and I've had a huge crush on him for months. I'm almost without a doubt that he's gay, just based on his style of dress, his mannerisms, the fact that he hangs out almost exclusively with girls, and whenever anyone asks if he's gay he just kind of ignores the question. I may be a bit biased because in my daydreams he's always gay, and I'm worried I'm just projecting this on him. Anyways, I really want to attempt to ask him out but I have so many doubts about doing so. First of all, he's two years younger than me and there's a clear difference in maturity, at least based on the way he acts around friends. Second, I'm a pretty huge loner at this school - I always have been. I developed depression and really crippling social anxiety about three years ago and I've kept away from people as much as possible until recently. I feel like it would be weird if I, who most people probably assume to be very strange, dated a guy who was very social. Third, this is probably my last year at school (getting my GED), so there's a month left in the year - another reason why I don't feel like it's worth it at this point. It's just hard to keep thinking about would could happen and how it would feel to be in my first gay relationship. The last reason are really just that I have zero self confidence/esteem and this guy is way out of my league in terms of attraction, so even if he is gay, I doubt he would feel the same. (Another reason, maybe not as much worth mentioning, I don't go to the most gay-friendly school in the world. I've seen maybe four or five lesbian couples total out of 3,000 students and never once a gay couple.) I know it's a lot, but I tend to use this platform because it helps me to write out all my thoughts with a purpose in a semi-organized way instead of keeping it all in my head where I can't keep track of it. Any replies, any tips, any encouragement/discouragement is all I can ask for.
I would absolutely try. Keep in mind that in doing so, it's likely that your school will find out that you're gay, but perhaps that's something you're ready (or close to ready) for. Your friend might really appreciate having someone else who he can talk to (assuming he doesn't). Here's something else to think about: Sometimes the people we think are way out of our league really aren't... even someone surrounded by friends can feel lonely, because the friends may not be close. The worst that happens here is he says no, or that, one way or another, word gets out. But it sounds like you could handle either, and that's an important step in learning how to love and believe in yourself.
Do you two have much of a friendship? If not then definitely don't. I think based on your past with depression and anxiety, ask yourself whether a rejection would set you back. You are near the legal age for sex and he isn't. That would become tricky unless you are both comfortable with the fact. I'm not saying you shouldn't do it. I just think you should think carefully. At least see if he wants to hang out first or something. Dropping a dating bombshell wouldn't be a good idea. He could be in a place where he doesn't want anybody to know his sexual preference. So my advice is to form a friendship first, if there isn't one there and at least hang out a few times and get to know each other. See how much you like each other before taking the leap. Good luck
