I'm in my first real relationship, and I'm having issues with anxiety and insecurity. I really like spending time with her and she's really cool and my family really likes her, but I don't know if it's going to work. I just don't feel like she's the one. It's my first relationship, so I have no idea what I'm doing, but when I look at what I want in the future and what she wants, it's different. But I really like dating her, even if I don't think marriage is on the table, even if we dated for a couple of years. So I'm not sure how to handle this. I've always viewed dating as a precursor for marriage. But I really like being with her and exploring the dating world with her. We're in similiar places in regards to our lives and sexuality. Any advice? :help:
If your plans for the future differ, then of course you're not gonna spend your whole life with her, but what's the deal? Unless you wanna wait for "that special someone" (assuming you'll have one), you're gonna end up being with some folks before you (maybe) find yourself in a long term relationship. If you want to wait for that special someone, then break up right now, make yourself sad, and start over. Otherwise, you can go on with her, profit, wait for the moment everything breaks apart, and go back to square one.
Nobody (OK, not you or me) wants to go into a relationship thinking it won't last. It seems deceitful, jinxing it, just wrong. But truthfully, most first relationships don't last forever. In fact (gettin all philosophical) almost nothing does. What counts is your sincerity, integrity, openness. I remember feeling the same way in my first (few) relationships (in MN, no less). But those early "steadies" are among my longest-time and best friends. So it's not like you are cheating by not wanting it all. Dating is a precursor for marriage, but more is required. And that shouldn't (IMHO) stop you from dating. Your friend will (should) remember you forever with good feelings. Behave so as to make that happen.
I'm honestly not sure what the future holds for my boyfriend and I, but we've been seeing each other for 1 1/2 years now, and I want to keep seeing him. If you asked me a year ago, I didn't think we would still be together. We've had our fair share of disagreements, and it's the bad moments that we have that really test our patience with each other, and whether we can work through those moments together or not. Be open with her, and most of all, communicate. Got a problem? Talk about it. I get that you want to think about the future as well, as do I, but make sure you don't forget about what you have right now.
The more you worry, the more likely your relationship will fail. I have only been in one relationship and so far it's been going 10 and a half years. We get married in 12 months. Having said that, I knew he was the one. I had been in love with my best friend for 2 years and was totally messed about by him. Then my bf came along and boom! Everything changed straight away. My point here is, that I knew I wanted to be with him and still do. We have had bad times, but we got through them. Relationships don't come with an instruction manual and everyone is different. Times will get tough in places. You have to ask yourself whether you are willing to be there for her no matter what. Are you willing to be her best friend and her lover and support network all at once. Will you be there 100%? Can you feel that you love or could fall in love with this girl? If you are not up to it with this girl, she isn't for you and yea you should get out sooner than later. Otherwise, it's unfair to both of you. Are you ready for a relationship? I don't need you to answer me, you can if you choose to, but I think you should find the answers within and come to a decision. Good Luck and I hope this has helped.
