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Boyfriend is still not sure about his Romantic Orientation.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Lalayajen, May 8, 2017.

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  1. Lalayajen

    Lalayajen
    Regular Member

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    Sexual Orientation:
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    Not out at all
    Hi EC.
    It's been a year that me and my boyfriend met. We both had amazing time.

    But in the past few weeks I noticed him getting sadder, wemet and had sex and then he ooened up and told me that he is worried about our future, because he thinks he may be able to have Romantic feelings for a girl and he thinks that with that he may be able to have a "normal life" and he still struggles with being a gay man.
    He thinks his Sexual Orientation is only for men but his Romantic for both sexes.

    He didn't tell me about his feelings before because he thought I may re-act badly.
    I just asked him if he likes a girl now and wants to break up with me and he said no but he can't garauntee it forever.

    I wanted to be supportive and I said that if he finds a girl that makes him happier, I would get out of his way and he is not my hostage.

    In my country, homosexuality is not legal so it is really hard to find a gay man who wants a relationship.

    So what do you think EC? Should I break up with him sooner? Or someday he will accept himself?
    Did I tell the righr things? What should I tell him?:confused:
     
    #1 Lalayajen, May 8, 2017
    Last edited: May 8, 2017
  2. Chip

    Chip
    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

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    Hi.

    It's really difficult to say. There's not much to support the idea romantic orientation is separate from sexual, and particularly in cases like this, where there are external factors (wanting to be straight, societal rejection), it seems likely that what he's really experiencing is the yearning to be straight, and mistaking friendship for "romantic interest".

    But the important question here has to do with how this affects you. If he's willing to work through his issues, then staying with him might make sense. But that could take a long time. So what it really boils down to is, are you willing to be patient, and are you willing to, in doing so, understand that he may never fully accept that he's gay, given all of the stigma and judgment he's feeling.
     
    #2 Chip, May 8, 2017
  3. Lalayajen

    Lalayajen
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    I really think what you said is true. He was always in all-boys school and now he is in a mixed gender college. I too think that he is mistaking friendship for romantic interest. Should I tell him this?

    I really love him and think that our relationship can be a great one but I always keep thinking that maybe I can not make him happy.
    I really hate being in this situation. I really want to be there for him.
     
    #3 Lalayajen, May 9, 2017
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