How to interact with men without appearing interested?

- Some men consider any sort of contact with the opposite sex to be flirting. These men aren't very bright, and you are never going to get them to think otherwise regardless of what you do.

- Other men get genuinely confused. Friendships between men and women are different. Some women treat their male friends in ways they would treat female friends, even though a typical guy would only act that way to a SO. So then he gets confused and ends up falling for the girl since he doesn't understand the dynamics.

But most of the time, It's the former. In some cases, a change of behavior can prevent this, but most of the time....a lot of guys genuinely don't get the idea of opposite sex friendships until they get older.

 

I know how you feel. I actually enjoy friendships with men a bit more than typical female friendships (though I do meet women who are awesome too), so It's a bit disheartening to know you have to limit yourself.

But not all guys are like this either. The nasty ones are just way louder.

 

I tend to make better friends with women then men. I just find them easier to open up to.

 

i also find better friends in with girls than men. I don't understand men

 

I don't even try to make friends with men lately. They think that I'm flirting with them, when I'm just being friendly. It's so sooo awkward. Weird thing is that if someone pays attention I DO look gay. I don't get it.

 

We are weird, but not all the same .

 

Yeah, I agree with the others when it comes to men being too flirty :/ It's hard to befriend them as a lesbian because so many of them have great disrespect for lesbians. It can even be dangerous at times.

It sucks because I kind of prefer friendships with men, but that has more to do with the fact that I have a more stereotypical male friendship style. I want someone to do activities with and gush about hobbies with, where as I strongly dislike the level of emotional intimacy some women try to force in their friendships.

The compromise for me is limiting myself to masculine minded women. It's just too bad you have to limit myself to begin with.

 

How about gay male friends? Or trans men?

 

Because many trans men are more understanding and sympathetic towards sexual harassment cis women face. A lot are involved in feminism and prefer female friends, too. Not all are straight.

 

Knowing a girl is a lesbian would actually be easier to be friends with. How is it "dangerous"?

 

I'm not saying all men are like this, but I have had coercive/rapey sort of threats from some straight male friends before. They find out I'm a lesbian and then want to "turn me straight", keep pressuring me into sex I don't want, etc. I feel very unsafe around them at times.

That's why I said sometimes, since not everyone does this...but the vast majority have been disrespectful to me in my experience.

 

I am sorry to hear that! I don't know why some guys do that. I guess they think they are now challenged to "change" you, but that makes me mad that guys think they can just do whatever they want.

 

You forgot the 3rd category of men, the dense ones who wouldn't notice flirting even if you held a sign up saying you were doing it. Cause I have had to point out to a friend a couple of times that a girl was interested in him and he still didn't get it right away. And I am also guilty of missing a few flirty cues as well lol.

My advice, based only on the women I know; is to just be yourself but keep the physical contact to a minimum. I know lots of huggers and always have to touch people women, and I think that is what usually confuses most guys.

 

Nightdream, maybe you can help me. I am pretty much a straight guy, 57yo. I relate much better to women than men. Consequently, I have many more female friends than male. In fact, my BFF is a 59yo woman. I also have a few strong lesbian friends, and quite a few gay men. I've never (knowingly) known any bisexuals, but recently I met someone who is bi.

When we met, I assumed she was lesbian because she had a close friend that was lesbian and it was clear to me they were, at least, emotionally involved. No problem, we shared a lot of common interests and just had a great time enjoying each other's company. We took a few overnight excursions together, and there was nothing but friendship involved. Never made a pass, because I respected her relationship and I just figured no interest. Sometimes the three of us did stuff together.

Over time, we spent more and more time together and as I got to know / each other, I found we had even more and more in common. I really began to realize what a wonderful person she is, regardless of her orientation.

Then after a couple of years, she called me about her friend - and in context of my responses / questions I asked her if she was involved. She responded "Oh my no". I gave her my insights and advice.

Afterwards we started interacting a lot. Constantly actually for about six months. We actually spent more time together than she did with her friend. It was hard to read signals, but I began to think she liked me more than just casual friends - but very cautious, never really discussed it - although I dropped a lot of hints.

Then, quite recently, she told me that she had become involved with her, but was breaking it off - one reason she said is because she wanted to spend more time with me, and people like me. She reveal at that time that she is attracted to people, not genders.

To me, she sounded like was hinting at a relationship. But I realized she was going through a tough time emotionally calling it off with a woman she loved - so I left it alone. But a few days later, I told her I had deep feelings for her and wanted to know if she would consider a relationship with me.

She responded she wasn't interested in having a relationship, love, or sex with ANYONE, ever again. She was done. And she is serious about it. I can understand the heartache she is going through, so I haven't mentioned it again. But while we discussed it a bit, I gave her every opportunity to say "I like you just as friend", "not interested in me that way", "you're not my type", etc. multiple times in fact. But her response is always not anyone, not ever.

But she wants to spend a lot of time with me. Even suggested we take some trips/vacations together. And she says it doesn't make her uncomfortable, or bother her that I have fallen in love with her. Our interaction since then has been just as it always has.

To me, this is confusing. I'm not sure what to do with my feelings, or if I'm interpreting things wrong. Yes, I understand she needs space and time to heal. But I really have no experience in how bisexual women relate to men. Is she simply not wanting to hurt feelings? I can certainly work on removing those feelings I have for her, but I hate to think I am passing on a what could be an epic once-in-lifetime relationship. If she was pure hetero I would have no doubt she is interested, but just hurt now. I cannot discuss this with my straight male friends because they are pigs who would immediately jump to disgusting suggestions. My two lesbian friends are like "leave her alone and let her be gay". My gay make friends are split with their opinions.

And what do I do about her friend - because we had become friends also. Can I continue that friendship, or abruptly severe contact. I wonder if she thinks I had something to do with their breakup.

I seek understanding. Your thoughts and perspectives are appreciated.