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Mixed signals from older woman

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Andy1991, May 13, 2017.

  1. Andy1991

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    I am a 25 year old female and am confused by the way my 38 year old female friend and senior work mate Anna has been behaving around me. There is a somewhat lengthy (juicy) back story that might provide insight though.

    So I have finally admitted to myself that I am bisexual, however Anna does not know that - or atleast I haven't really verbalized it. I am also in the middle of a divorce. My husband was abusive and at the time when I decided to leave him, Anna was the only person I could turn to (I didn't have many friends because of my husband). I am now falling fast for her but I'm not sure if she is giving signals or what is going on. I know she has been with other women before as well.

    So it (the signals/confusion) begins like this... Her and I and my (then) husband and some friends had drinks after work one night. She told me to sit next to her and we basically talked to each other for 3 hours, of course with others as well. During this time she mentioned a few times how well we got along and about how she can't figure out why but shes been thinking about it since we first really talked alone months ago. Other comments (which anybody can say of course) include asking me why I didn't wear more fancy sleeveless clothes and then making me take down my hair so her other friend could say it was beautiful and I was beautiful. Then when the convo was just between her and I again, she started asking why I wasn't wearing my wedding ring and why did I get married. We then joined the conversation next to us on sexuality and about how its all fluid and on a scale and she casually commented that she has dated women before. Later we all decided to go to the club. I decided I wanted to go with her and her 2 visitors to her apartment to get changed but I asked my husband and his other friend who had to go back to our apartment anyways to bring my change of clothes to her place when they picked us up. We got to her apartment and she said I had to wear one of her tops. (I've gone out with her before and she made me put on her clothes last time too) but this time I had my own pants to wear. She helped me get my t shirt off and one of her shirts on because I was injured at the time. She wanted to help me get my pants on, but I told her no cause I wasn't wearing underwear. We got dressed and went to the club. Everything was normal except she literally grabbed me to grind dance twice, I've grinded with women before but normally only women my age and she put her arm around my stomach, which was new to me. I then reciprocated once and hung around her most of the night.

    She and her visitors then decided to go home and I told her I was coming with. I told my husband as well. My excuse then was that I couldn't get into my apartment without help and my husband wanted to drink more. So we got back to her place and she helped me get undressed. I really only needed help unhooking my bra but she helped pull my shirt off, then put a sleeping shirt on me and then unhooked my bra and although she didn't touch me, she was putting her hand inside my shirt to pull the bra out. We couldn't find me shorts to sleep in but she kept offering me hers which made it so I saw her in her underwear. We slept in the same bed and I put my feet over hers but nothing happened. She joked in the morning that I was very cuddly.

    A few days later, her, myself, my husband, and her 2 visitors went hiking together. We had to pick my husband up from a friends place and the directions he gave were horrible. She made the comments of, is that really how you two communicate, and why can't he get his lazy ass down to the main road (sarcastically).

    So then a few days later my husband got really drunk after I told him I wanted a divorce. I stayed up the whole night until it was safe to leave and went to Anna's apartment and told her the whole story I told her I needed someone to trust because I had no friends and I am living away from home. She took the day off work and sat listening to me tell her everything he had done to me and all my frustrations. She told me she wasn't letting me leave the house and that I can stay there as long as I wanted until my husband left my apartment and I could move back in. It was so safe for me. I stayed with her and her friends for about a week before I could move back into my apartment. We went out one of those nights and when we got back I asked her to cuddle me at the end of the night. She said okay and she laid on her back while I put my head on her chest and my arm over her stomach. She made the comment that she'd never had someone smaller than her cuddle her like that. I told her that I do this with my close friends and she asked who so I told her my friends name. Then I fell asleep.

    It was a bit awkward in the morning. We were all (her, me, 2 visitors) going to her parents place for lunch and she left early to go help her mom. We came later and the vibe changed. Although it could have been me being awkward about it. From that night on, when we went to sleep it was a bit stiff since I was still sleeping in her bed with her. But then when I was finally able to leave her apartment, which she never pushed me out of - infact I tried to move out a few days early but she told me it was safer to wait until my ex-husband had really left the city since he had a key - we went out for dinner, just her and I, and when a friend dropped by Anna made a joke about how I left her "thank you" money but that it was really her cuddle payment and that I treated her like a cheap prostitute. We all laughed and this third friend commented that she was jealous because she couldn't get Anna to give her cuddles and that Anna was so much more fun when I'm around. Other people had also commented about how much Anna and I talk when together and about how she always laughs at my jokes. She even said once how she finds me hilarious. Other things too are that I've caught her staring at my butt before.

    However, since that time things have been getting weirder and weirder between us. She would sit on opposite ends from me, talk loudly about how she found this or that guy attractive, etc. but always when sober. When there are a few drinks, things change. We had another family lunch at her parents place for her visitors leaving and this was the first time she was normal again. We joked and laughed but then she started getting different again. At one point she slapped my ass as I walked away, after I had been hitting her for being so mean to me, in a joking way. Then the conversation again turned to sexuality (as it has on a few other occasions) and she said she had been with another woman, and then looked at me at said "you've never been with another woman, have you?" I said no I've never looking down. Then the thing that I really can't understand. When our other friend drove us all home that night. There were too many people in the car. Anna got in the trunk of the car and everyone else got seats. My seat reclined and I reclined my seat back so I was laying down, not looking at her but laying there quietly and laughing while everyone else talked. Anna was on the opposite side of the car from me holding containers of food, but then she reached out and put her hand on my arm and held it there. I took my hand and put it over hers and we sat like that the whole ride home (maybe 10 min). We were both quiet at first but then she engaged in the others conversation, but still kept her hand there. We started to play with each others fingers as well. When we got to her apartment, everything was okay until something triggered her to start to cry about two of her friends who had passed. We all tried to comfort her and I said how sad I felt and I didn't even know them and she said how much I would have liked them and how we would have gotten along so well. And about how she never got to tell the guy that she loved him before he died. But I think it was friendship love since I believe she was dating another man at the time. I tried to sleep in her bed later, like normal, but she was having none of it and I had to sleep on the couch. I even texted her and she said she wasn't in the cuddly frame of mind. I felt pretty bad about it later since she had just been crying over her friends.

    And now we are back to somewhat awkwardness. Can someone tell me what's going on? Two other possibly important pieces of info are we work together, and I am leaving this place in two months and won't return for a year. So these things may also be playing a part. I don't know though. Help? Am I imagining things, or is my intuition right?

    Thank you!
     
  2. silverhalo

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    Hey, it's difficult for anyone to say for sure but I definitely don't think you are imagining it.

    Have you told her about your recent acceptance of your bisexuality?
     
  3. Andy1991

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    No not yet. I'm a bit terrified that I'll lose her friendship if she doesn't feel the same and thinks that I'm saying it as a come-on.
     
  4. silverhalo

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    I can understand your concern but if you say it in the right way I don't think she will take it as a come on. Does she often make comments about you having never slept with a woman etc?
     
  5. Andy1991

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    I wouldn't say often. And sadly only when we are drinking. But it's more like she talks about it for herself and doesn't really ask me. She was only direct that one time. She does however sometimes say things like, these are my dyke pants, or to a mutual friend she has said that she needs to try women and that a tattoo she has puts out a lesbian vibe.
     
  6. silverhalo

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    I think you should tell her. You can either say you are bisexual or that you behave been questioning or that you have recently come to terms with it or however you think it is best worded.
     
  7. Andy1991

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    That I can do. If the topic comes up right. I often get so flustered around her now though. But yes can try.
     
  8. silverhalo

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    Yes if sexuality comes up that would be perfect. It doesn't have to mean anything other than you trust her as a friend and you want her to know this bit of information about you.