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Should I initiate the next meet up/drink with her?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by sapphiregirl, May 13, 2017.

  1. sapphiregirl

    Regular Member

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    There's a girl I've known for ages at the center I volunteer at. I've liked her for AGES. I know she's also gay, but we've never spoken about the topic directly. It took me forever to find the courage to ask her out for a drink, and last week I managed to (she said yes). I was nervous as hell, but we met at a lounge/bar and had an amazing talk. We talked for hours about many things and understood each other so well. I felt we really clicked, and since then we've both mentioned "next time" a few times, but haven't yet organised another catch up. There have been many little smiles exchanged between us since then, and I notice she keeps looking at me when I'm volunteering on with her.

    My dilemma is that this girl is the supervisor of this place. We've known each other for years but until meeting up we'd never really spoken deeply/alone with each other before. We're only now just getting to know each other, I guess. I've been volunteering there for a long time and don't really plan on giving up soon, though I could try to find a new place. The truth is that sometimes I can't stop thinking about her. Because I like her so much, I'm nervous about screwing things up.

    It's not like we're dating or anything yet. I'd never want to put her in an awkward position whilst at work. She's very softly spoken and is a pretty shy person in general, like me. I thought maybe she'd initiate our next catch up, but maybe she's nervous. I don't know. Would it matter if I initiated again, or would it look desperate?
     
    #1 sapphiregirl, May 13, 2017
    Last edited: May 13, 2017
  2. resu

    Advisor Full Member

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    If she already was interested in meeting "next time", then you should be okay arranging it. However, you could give a few options so she feels involved, too.
     
  3. silverhalo

    Full Member

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    I don't see why you shouldn't keep going and get to know her better. You can take it slow and see how it goes. I understand you don't want to upset things where you volunteer but sometimes a risk is worth taking.
     
  4. Rana

    Rana Guest

    I would ask again. If she likes you, she'll say yes. If she does not feel the same as you, she might say no regardless of how/when you ask. There's no "screwing it up" in my view. There's just dealing with how you feel if she says no.
    Honestly, when I think about it, I try to put myself in her place...let's say I'm shy and I really like you and we've gone out once. There's no way I'll say no if you ask me, and there's no way you could mess it up...it's like I'd be hoping/waiting for you to ask me out again.
    If on the other hand, I don't feel the same as you, then it wouldn't matter how perfectly you behaved...I'd still say no. See what I'm saying?

    Don't over-think it. There's nothing lovelier than someone wearing their heart on their sleeve, being vulnerable, and asking out another person. That's as true and heart-felt you can get. If she doesn't want to go out, she's not the one for you.
    Sending you good thoughts. ♥