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Other lesbians, how do you feel/act around men?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by sapphiregirl, May 15, 2017.

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  1. sapphiregirl

    sapphiregirl
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    I've spoken to other lesbians who have said they feel totally comfortable and relaxed around guys/men. They have said they can easily make friends with them at any time and act like "one of the boys". I've also read that many times here from other gay girls on this forum.

    I've always felt quite uncomfortable around most guys/men. I find I just can't connect with guys in the way I can with women, and I always feel somewhat uneasy when interacting with them. Most guys who've been talkative towards me in the past have seemed very surprised when finding out I'm gay, and have then usually become completely quiet around me and even perhaps a little intimidated. I feel awkward, as I just want to be mates and do NOT want them thinking I'm interested.

    Don't get me wrong; I'm not a misandrist! There are many men I truly admire and respect - even love (those in my family, and a few favourite male music artists) :slight_smile:

    What about you?
     
    #1 sapphiregirl, May 15, 2017
    Last edited: May 15, 2017
  2. Pinstripe

    Pinstripe
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    I'm wary of men for some of the same reasons you are. I have no desire to be "one of the guys" because a lot of times there's casual misogyny going on and I don't want any part of that. I have thought lately that it might not be too bad to have male friends again, since it's been a few years since I've had one. But if I seek out friends, I'm naturally going to focus more on women.
     
    #2 Pinstripe, May 15, 2017
  3. Creativemind

    Creativemind
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    It depends in all honesty. Friendship wise, I find there are pros and cons with both genders.

    I think more like a stereotypical guy in how I approach friendships, so friendships with men are easier and more rewarding most of the time. The problem though is that they can misinterpret being interested in them (and I don't even have to DO anything, they can just think a girl talking to them is interest). Personally, the fact that a guy friend might be attracted to me does not bother me in itself. It's only when they get coercive and creepy. And I agree that the subtle misogyny can make you feel uncomfortable.

    With women, I have the opposite problem. I feel comfortable knowing that they either won't fall for me, or that if they do have feelings, they are less pushy about it. However, I dislike the common female friendship mechanics. It's not necessarily about not liking girly things (which I actually don't like, but I'm not the only women who doesn't), but more that I dislike how intimate female friendships are. I just want someone to hang out with, do activities with, and chat hobbies with. But a lot of women want us to open up and lean on each other for our problems. I hate that. I put up with it because It's expected, but It's not what I like and not what I'm comfortable with. That's what a SO is for- at least for me. I actually empathize with men on this one, because It's also easy for me to "fall in love" with a female friend who opens up way too much, but at least I'm not pushy about it.

    The friends I do make tend to be the ones who don't have these issues. I will befriend guys that aren't pushy about attraction, and befriend girls who are more masculine, logical, or blunt.
     
    #3 Creativemind, May 15, 2017
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