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I hate how I treat people

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by ashuhley88, May 26, 2017.

  1. ashuhley88

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    I'm trying, now that I have fully realized what an asshole I am, to change how I treat people. Right now though, my main concern is my roommate. She owns the house and I moved back in after her divorce. I've started realizing that I've been just a jack ass to her. I never meant to be, honestly. This is just tearing me up inside. I think the world of this girl, she's one of the best people I know. Her boyfriend treats her like crap and I don't care for him. One of her buddies that was over last night has been trying to get her to save him from his own life, and she has a lot going on. But I'm starting to think I'm making it worse. Her buddy got there last night and I dipped to go take a shower and go to bed. Honestly, I go to bed around that time anyways. So I didn't hang around to talk to him, I'm still having a hard time being around the dude after a really bad drunken party. I realized that I've been doing this to her boyfriend too. I don't talk to people I don't like, and I think it's starting to affect my roommate. I wasn't in a good mood yesterday as I found that she had gone out instead of work the other night, and I was watching her kid. I would have had no problem watching her anyways, I was just upset that she lied to me. So I was angry yesterday when I got home late, and then her buddy was there, so I figured I would just go to bed and leave them be. Well, I responded to a video she sent me, and then I could hear them start talking super quiet (old house, voices travel, and I was directly above them in my room) then I heard her start crying. I couldn't make out much of what they were saying, but I felt the entire atmosphere of the house change in that moment. She has a lot going on right now, a lot. I've been trying to be helpful around the house. Keep the kitchen clean, keep my stuff picked up, and I feed and watch her 2 dogs and mine after work every day until she comes home. Which sometimes I'm in bed before she gets there. I have a temper and I don't like her one dog, long story short on that one, he's just an ass and does not like to listen. I watch her kid when she asks, and I try to just be a good roommate. But I still can't help but feel that I've been an asshole. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't feel like I can talk to her about any of this. But I know I need to. I think my anger is really bothering her. Its gotten bad since my little brother committed suicide 2 years ago. I'm scared of what's going to happen. I don't want to lose her as a friend, but I'm stating to think I already have. I don't know if I should try and talk to her about all of this, or just offer to move out. I'm trying to work on myself, but I only just started realizing what I was like about 3 weeks ago. I know I need to go get help, I'm working on this part already. I just don't know if I should try and stick it through, or just leave her alone. I feel like I'm over analyzing everything. I'm scared, I have no other friends to talk to about this. I don't know what to do.
     
  2. Chiroptera

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    So, let's see if i got it. Correct me if i'm wrong, ok?

    You help on the chores around the house, like cleaning stuff.

    You watch her kid.

    You don't like talking to some people she brings home, but you don't attack them, you just go to bed/go around your own business and leave them be (which is nice, because you shouldn't feel any obligation to interact with people you don't want to).

    Honestly, unless you weren't clear about what you are doing, i fail to see why you think you are an asshole. Did you do something to upset her?

    Judging by your post, it seems there are many things going on in her life right now, and not many of them are related to you. You said her boyfriend is problematic, as some of her buddies. There is nothing you can do about this, really.

    Have you considering moving to another, more positive place?
     
  3. silverhalo

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    Have you had any therapy over your brother and anger issues?
     
  4. ashuhley88

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    I feel that way because I've noticed how I get crabby when there's people over now. Granted there's only 2 guys that only come over and never together. I think she's thinking it's because they're there. It's more that I find her boyfriend to be an asshole, he talks down to her all the time. And her buddy just has so many of his own issues that he seems to be dragging her down. After her talking to me about all of that I started feeling like I was doing the same thing. I'm in a bad mood most of the time now, yes I have begun seeking help for it, I just waited so long because everyone I've gone to in the past has just made me feel worse about everything. I've recently figured all of this out about myself, but I think I've been unknowingly treating everyone like crap. If they're over and I don't want to talk to them I just kind of walk past if I need to, but I don't stop and talk. She's a really social person and I'm really not. I think she's getting tired of it. I love the girl like a sister. But I'm worried that my garbage personality is making her not want me around. I've always had a hard time making and keeping friends. I'm just not sure what's going on. If it's all in my head or not. I'm just pretty sure she's tired of me being around. No matter how hard I try, most of my friends get tired of me after a while and stop talking to me. I just don't want to lose another friend.
     
  5. silverhalo

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    Well why dont you have a chat to her about it. If you are right then being able to explain yourself, apologise and work on it will I am sure help the situation and if she isnt fed up with you I dont see that it could hurt.
     
  6. ashuhley88

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    I just moved back in, and I do like living there normally. My dog is happy there too. I like her and her daughter. I thought it would help to not live alone. I shut down after my little brother died. I didn't talk to anyone for about a year, except a few times. I realize it was wrong of me to just leave, but I paid rent for a while after I just left them. I don't want to move, but I will if she wants me to. I'm just worried she's being nice and letting me stay, and that she doesn't really want me there.

    ---------- Post added 26th May 2017 at 10:51 AM ----------

    I'm the kind of person that apologizes for everything all the time. I worry about everything all the time no matter how hard I try not to. She has told me how much it bugs her that I constantly say I'm sorry. So I don't want to bring it up because I'm worried this will all just annoy her.
     
  7. silverhalo

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    Did you say you were talking to a therapist?

    The problem is not knowing feeds your anxiety and the worse your anxiety gets the more insecure you feel which is more likely to lead to habits Aug as eternal apologising and treating people badly. It doesn't have to be a long conversation just be honest and say you are working through some stuff and you really like being there but you are worried you are getting in the way and you don't know whether it's just in your head or that's how she feels and you don't want her to feel like she has to be nice. If you don't want to say it to her maybe write it in a letter and then let her respond.
    I fear that if you do nothing you will just wind yourself up more and more.