Another huge argument occurred today regarding my wishes to seek therapy for my gender identity. Came about after my wife and I's roommate made some unkind comments about my wife before roommate went to work. After talking to my wife about what we should do, and getting our own place, she got super quiet. Once I got her to speak, all hell broke loose. After many hours of going back and forth, with her telling me that the only way we get our own place is there to be no "baggage" and me insisting that I can get the answers I seek, she finally made her stance 100% clear, set in stone and deliver a dagger. Her exact quote (as we texted all of this so as to not upset our nephews): "I'm telling you right now for the last fu**ing time....I did not marry a woman I married a man. I refuse to be married to a partial one at that. Apparently I need to be harsh if that will get my point across. You act on anything and it's done. You hear me? DONE!!!!" I feel so broken and hurt I have no idea what I should do
What i did when my mom said something really hurtful to me...well, after i was done beating myself up about it...i just shoved it all away. Someone who can say that sort of shit, who will only love you if you are what they want you to be, who give you conditional love only...my mom never truly loved me and never will. That's how i dealt with my 'dagger'. Doesn't mean the same to your wife, that's just how i dealt with and am dealing my situation. Somewhere on here there's a thing about the stages of grief that i feel like applies here maybe, that one of the mods posts around a lot. I don't have the link handy.
I think what is difficult for your wife is that your gender identity really challenges her. However, you cannot keep living a lie and you will be much much happier in accepting yourself even if it is without her. I would suggest that you do seek some therapy. You do not nee your wife's permission to go to therapy. Make sure that you are going to a therapist who is knowledgeable in LGBTQ+ issues as many claim to be but are not. You have one life to live and it is your right to live your most authentic self. You cannot let someone else stop you from doing that.
