Hello. I've recently (3 weeks ago) started talking to this boy on ******, it started off great and we clicked automatically, he'd call me cute pet names that he knows I like and he told me that he hopes we go far because I'm what he's been wanting in his life and I agreed. Sometimes, he'll go really distant and blunt with me, no cute names, he'll leave me on read and ignore my messages. I found out that is because he suffers (diagnosed) with depression, anxiety & a panic disorder (I'm not sure if those are the same thing?) so this kind of makes sense to me that he wants his space. He sometimes asks for space because he's having a bad mental health day and I give him it and tell him I'm there when/if he wants to talk about it. He started to push me away and he told me that he hates himself because he does it to everyone, that he doesn't want to push me away, he quite often apologises for coming into my life, says he understands if I want to stop talking to him etc but I always just tell him that I adore him and want to know everything about him even if that means his bad days, he'll leave me on seen sometimes after this. He made me promise that I'd never leave him and that I'd stick around no matter how bad it gets because (and his words) "I am so terrified of letting you in because when I do they just leave me" so I promised I wouldn't because I don't plan to since I really really adore him and just want to love him and be there for him, the same night he asked if I could call him whilst he falls asleep because he doesn't trust himself so I took this as him letting me in He tells me he's falling for me and then sometimes will say that he is just attracted to me, one time we were playing a quick game of truth or dare on iMessage and he asked if I love him and then he got a little mad and made an excuse that he had to go when I had no because I didn't know him long enough We went on a date the other day and he stayed the night, things went well (or so I thought) we cuddled all night and he initiated the first kiss (my actual first ever kiss, he knew this) and I felt like it went well, he loved my dog and things weren't awkward. he went home the following day and we spoke maybe once or twice and then he started ignoring me, the next day I had to beg him to talk to me and tell me the truth about whether he enjoyed seeing me because I started overthinking, if he wanted to continue things or not and he told me that he loved it, had such a good time but that I lowkey tried to force things and he wants stuff to happen naturally but he didn't tell me this because he was scared (feelings wise, not sex) and that he wouldn't mind seeing me again and that he'll 'of course' come see me again but doesn't know when even though before he wanted to see me asap. He is the one who kissed me first, gave me his shirt because it smells like him and sent cute videos of us cuddling to his friends and sister. I never initiated any of this, I admit I did kind of pressure him to stay at mine longer and I regretted this and apologised after. I also kind of suffer with anxiety (not diagnosed) but I often overthink everything and need reassurance that I'm still wanted because I have very low self esteem, I don't see why he'd want me or talk to me because he's attractive and I'm not, I had a very bad mental health day and I hurt myself after a few years clean and I tried to talk to him about how I felt but he was so blunt, one word replies and didn't seem to care that I was telling him I wanted to die and how I'd just hurt myself and he also left it on read. During this he was smoking marijuana with his friend but I thought if he cared about me like he said he does that he'd pay more attention to what I was telling him, I asked him to promise that he won't push me away and find someone else and he didn't reply. I know he does other substances and one of them makes him so so sweet to me, like nothing else and then when he isn't on it he gets blunt. I'm just so confused, I'm not sure if he is pushing me away because of his mental illnesses and he is scared to get close like he said before, if he's just a f**kboy and hes playing with my feelings or if he's disappointed in the way I look. He told me a while ago if he was disappointed he wouldn't really tell me he'd just distance himself until we didn't anymore so i'm afraid he is doing this, I just want to know the truth, he promised he'd start telling me how he really felt after the whole 'scared to tell me about forcing things' but he does want to see me again and do another date but I really feel he isn't being honest because his attitude towards me has changed drastically to how it was before he went home and if he was having a bad mental health day he'd tell me. For example, he used to tell me he wanted me, to take me on dates and that he's glad that we both see us going far because we automatically click and that he thinks he found 'the one' now I get nothing like this, no cute names etc. It hurts because I'd do anything for him, whenever he is sad he gets the longest paragraphs about how much I care for him and he can't even reply to me when I have a bad day, I'm not sure if I should give up on this guy because it's affecting my mental health, I'm scared I'm the one who is overthinking and that my anxiety is creating an issue that isn't there because I may end up pushing him away so I don't get hurt. Please help me
Hi, Hope you do not mind if I will be honest, I didn't read the whole every details you wrote, but in some parts when I read, it makes me think of my own relationship in the previous period, and my friend told me to reduce (reduce) my love for my boyfriend I mean in case that you decide you still want to go on with this person. However, I also get confused with the story you told, I cannot tell for sure he has the same objective with you or not, or maybe you can try to think about those moments or times that he clearly show concern about yo or love to you. Those memory might be able to remediate the doubt you have in your mind. Lastly, I want to say whatever you are in the relationship or not, everyone has to love themselves first. Be strong.. I guess being together with someone and being committed in the relationship is so hard, it might have those bitter time, but also have happiness time too. Try to hold to those happy moments. Hope this help,
Hello, I'm a lesbian but I thought I'd chime in because this really is a general relationship question. It sounds like he doesn't know what he wants. When people send these kinds of mixed messages, something is wrong. It may have nothing to do with you. It may be his mental health, or some circumstance in life, or just simply not knowing what he wants (it happens a lot). I've met many people who are just confused about what they want in life, or who the heck they are. Mental issues makes it even more complicated because people with depression and anxiety often have difficulty in decision making and concentration. I know this is not what you want to hear, and I know you're hurting right now, but you should know this: someone who loves you will never make you feel like you don't know what's going on in the relationship. If someone wants to be with you there will be no doubt in your mind because they will not act in a way that makes you confused. I'm sure you're a lovely person. You deserve better, and you will get someone better if you allow yourself to wait for it. Know your value. You can't fix people's problems and life is too short to suffer. You can be there for him as a friend if you like, but try to not get attached and start dating other people. You deserve the best, and you'll get it! ♥
