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Family Problems & Friend.... Plz Help

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Justindee13, Nov 16, 2009.

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  1. Justindee13

    Justindee13
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    Warning: very long or kinda long and very lonely

    so lets start


    Mom//\\ so my mom and i just moved and it the two of us. Well tensions have been high and stuff and it seems liek we are always in a fighting mode. Well tonite i found out tat sh does pot or weed or something and i honestly believed she left that at ou old house, well she didnt. she tells me that my dad is a digusting person for smoking yet shes doing it. I dont know i just cant stand her much i hang out by myself in my room alone. so

    Dad//\\ well my dad likes to go camping and he likes to drink and stuff. Well we went to bass lake for the 4th with his friends and they have teenagers a cou[ple years older. Well it didnt go weel i didnt have a friend and it was just drinking and i hated it. Now he wants me to go again for thanksgiving and its like no i dont want to go. and now hes gettin all mad me and for some reason i cant encourage myself to grow the balls and tell him hes not that much of a father and i wont hang around him if he has had to much to drink. I just dont know anymore.( i live with my mom and only see my dad once every week)

    Sister//\\ ok so she just went off to college and she played and i play in this beel choir. Well i guess she is playin a performcance and it doesnt seem right to me because she is gone and i feel like well maybe i should play the part. The diector is like a father to hear but she is gone off to college. Honestly if she plays i just want to cry becuase she doesnt care for my feelings as next up for being capable to play. idk its hard to understand.

    Best Friend or Boiyfriend//\\ ok first iff dont tell me to find a group or to join a club i hve heard all that nonsence before and it hasnt works reasons being i cant drive and i have only have 600 students at my school and its a small town so until i can driv 6 months i need help.
    I have no one to go to and im sick of going to the computer becuase of it. I want that best friend of bf who i can be around and no act differently. I have friends yes but its not the same so any iodeas. Im already invovled in everything at school i mean EVERYTHING. so yeah i have gone so far to go and search for friends on myspace and it just makes me feel very alone and im done with it.

    i knwo its long i thank you for reading and PLEASE PLEASE HELP????????
     
    #1 Justindee13, Nov 16, 2009
  2. Just Adam

    Just Adam
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    hmm

    mum: i say tell her how you feel that shes beeing a bad influence and irresposible mother as well as a hypocrite ... tell her she needs to step up and get off her stoned ass..

    dad: tell him that this trip isnt about you and he doesnt give a crap he just drink and wants to see his friends and that those other kids you have nothign in common with and taht you jsut dont want this and he needs to start beeing a farther and put you first and do somthign you would enjoy, your supposed to support and care for your children not just drag them to things you want and then proceed to ignore them.

    sister: umm not really sure what your on about but tell her that she has her own life but dotn forget about you maybe not sure im no good with siblings..

    driend/boyfriend: well this is hard as theres not much you can do isnt there local clubs or summat in your area, do you know all 600 people? theres bound to be summat going on at school or around.. you can make friends amongst 600 people statistics state that amongst them there has to be other lgbt people so... just look around a bit. but until you can travel i say just waitt it out for 6 months but even then you got to know where to go.
     
    #2 Just Adam, Nov 16, 2009
  3. olides84

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    awww, that just seems like lots of stuff getting you down.

    As for mom, just be honest with her, but not in a threatening way. You can be open about your feelings and try to talk rationally. Don't let the pot smoking ruin your relationship and lock you in your room. It's just the two of you now - it would be much better to keep open the lines of communication than close them down.

    And dad, kinda same thing. Be honest about why you didn't have a good time on the 4th. If he says he'll try to cut back, you probably won't believe him right? As a solution, could maybe you find a friend who might want to go camping as well. Then at least you'd have someone to hang out with and be able to better ignore stuff you don't like. I'm just trying to find solutions here that keep your relationships with your parents open.

    I don't really understand the issue with your sister, sorry.

    And as for a bf, yeah many of us pine for one, but understand it's maybe not in the cards right now given your town size, lack of driving, etc. But you are active and social it sounds, which is great. So try not to worry or be desperate. Things will happen when they happen, keep putting yourself out there, talking and sharing, and you might get that best friend/boyfriend when you least expect it.

    Wishing you the best... (*hug*)
     
    #3 olides84, Nov 16, 2009
  4. Justindee13

    Justindee13
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    with that my parents wont let me bring a friend ebcuase if its guy they will think we are having a sex and if it a girl they will think the same thing. And no girls parents are going to let them come with me anyways becuase they honestly dont knonw me well enough. IT sucks cause im torn and have no idea what the huge problem is with bring a friend so now im just not going
     
    #4 Justindee13, Nov 16, 2009
  5. olides84

    olides84
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    ^ Well, it seems pretty unreasonable to not be able to bring a friend, especially if you don't really get along well with the other teenagers who are going. If you've explained that to your dad and he still refuses to let you bring one, then he's definitely not compromising in this situation and is not doing a good job keeping close to his son. And consequently he should understand why you aren't going.
     
    #5 olides84, Nov 16, 2009
  6. Chip

    Chip
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    Hi, Justin.

    You aren't directly saying it, but if he is almost always having too much to drink, it sounds like your dad has a serious problem with alcohol, and honestly, if the camping trips consist mostly of drinking, it isn't responsible for him to be taking you in the first place.

    I would suggest trying to non-judgementally say that you don't have fun and you don't like going on trips or events where everyone is drinking (or smoking weed or whatever) and so if he is willing to plan a trip where there's no alcohol or drugs, you'll go, but otherwise you'd rather stay home. (My guess is even if he agrees to that, he probably won't stick to it, as most alcoholics are not in control of their use, but it's worth giving it a try.)

    As for your mom, it sounds like she is stressed and perhaps using the weed as a form of self-medication for her anxiety or stress. Perhaps at a moment when she is in a better mood, you could sit with her and say that you don't like the fact that she's smoking weed, and see if she would be willing to talk to a professional and perhaps get proper help if she is having anxiety or depression or whatever.

    It isn't uncommon for people your age to have disagreements with their parents, it is a natural and normal part of the individuation process, but if it is really stressful for you, I would suggest seeking some assistance from your guidance counselor at school.

    The other resource I would suggest is looking to see if there is an Alateen meeting in your area. If not, then an Al-Anon would be OK too. These are groups for the family members of alcoholics and substance abusers, and are both a great support, in giving you people who are going through the same feelings and experiences you are, and also helpful in teaching you strategies for dealing with the alcoholics or substance abusers in your life.

    There are a lot of emotional and psychological effects of growing up with an alcoholic, and there are some excellent books, more aimed at adult children of alcoholics, but you sound mature enough that I think you would benefit from reading them as well. One is "Adult Children of Alcoholics" by Janet Woititz. You might also want to read this article on how alcoholism affects teens.
     
    #6 Chip, Nov 16, 2009
  7. Étoile

    Étoile
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    Since no one's tackled the sister issue yet,

    It's frustrating when people receive things we believe (or know) was rightfully ours. Still, she may have wanted the part as bad as you did. She may be off to college (I'm assuming the college's close) but she should have the right to gain a part in the choir. Are you think you're better or more passionate about the choir than her? You should be happy that she got a part in the choir. Your time will come. :slight_smile:
     
    #7 Étoile, Nov 16, 2009
  8. Justindee13

    Justindee13
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    let elbate she was in the choir for 7 years i think, she has played at this place for 6 years. Now yes the college is close but still i would think she would see how i felt about it before she went on it, i know its important to her but it is to me too and since i have never gotten the chance to play i feel very ashamed also at the fact that no other college students that has come back recieved a part for this yearly performance. So i dont know if tits the director but i know my sister should think of me at sommetimes cause often she doesnt think about how her actions effect me
     
    #8 Justindee13, Nov 17, 2009
  9. Étoile

    Étoile
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    I don't think your sister's accepting the part out of spite towards you, granted I don't know her. She's probably doing this because this is her hobby. Has she ever had an important part before?
     
    #9 Étoile, Nov 17, 2009
  10. Justindee13

    Justindee13
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    well its a bell chior so every part is easiey important. But yeah she has had an important in the group the 6 past times she has played here soo.
     
    #10 Justindee13, Nov 17, 2009
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