Hi all. For a little background, see my reintroduction thread… http://emptyclosets.com/forum/showthread.php?t=40367 I have decided to come out to my brother this week. He has recently moved back to town and I would like to have a close relationship with him. He’s 3 years younger than me (that makes him 28) and is a really good guy. He’s also family and I would like to be able to talk to him about my new open lifestyle and my gay friends and maybe even who I date… if I ever find a damn boyfriend… lol. I am out to most of my friends now and I don’t really hide anymore except with family. I just haven’t cracked that nut yet. I have a feeling that he has a pretty good clue that I am gay, but we have never talked about it… and he even still asks me about girls (although not so much recently). He has made comments about me being secretive and evasive recently and I think he’s beginning to take it personally, obviously not my intention. There is another silver lining to this… I get to ask him how much my parents know. That will be an interesting tidbit for me. If he tells me they are assuming I am a big poofter, that will take a lot of pressure off of me. I would like a little advice though. How exactly am I supposed to tell him and keep it relatively light and casual. My family is not big on heavy serious moments, and I kinda like it that way. This won’t be a tear fest… just need to figure out a way to get it out in the open. I am pretty sure he will be ok with it… I’ll deal if he’s not though. Thoughts? Suggestions? Thanks!
You can always go this route - act like he already knows. So instead of having the big "I need to tell you something" talk, you can talk to him about how to approach your parents. "I've been giving a lot of thought to telling Mom and Dad that I'm gay - uh, you DID know that, right?" (insert as much "yes duh" or "no I didn't" as necessary.) "So I've been wondering what might be the best way to go about that..." Lex
Thanks Lex! Solid advice as always. Not sure I really want to go down that road with my parents yet... I am also pretty sure my brother already has his assumptions, but I don't think that it is confirmed in his mind. No one in my family has been historically super gay friendly... and he is no exception. There is always the possibility that he will not take it very well. It's awkward, me being the older brother... He wore my number in football after I graduated HS... He did most of the things I did... He looks up to me so I am understandably a little nervous about it. Also I am telling a family member... which is new for me. I'm rambling... I think I just need to suck it up and do it. LOL... I hate it though! The only time left when I wish I was straight is having to tell someone I really give a damn about that I am gay!
I think the approach is a little different if you are reasonably certain he does know vs. not being sure. Has he ever said anything that implies this? Or is it more what he hasn't said (not asking about girlfriends, etc). The fact that he's concerned about your being secretive makes me think he probably has some suspicions, but then again, some people don't pick up the cluephone when it's ringing right next to them. I think Lex's approach is a good one, assuming you have any suspicion he knows. If you're less certain, you could take the "Hey, you haven't been asking about girlfriends recently. Any reason for the change?" approach and sort of feel things out. If he's suspected for a long time, and had any concerns, he will likely have already dealt with the stages of loss (denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance). If he's clueless, he may initially feel a little odd about it, and it may be uncomfortable for somewhere between a few minutes and a few days, but then I'm sure he'll come around. It sounds like you're ready to deal with it in any case, and that's fantastic! Let us know what happens.
Yeah, he's a pretty smart guy... I'll be very surprised if he's blown away. He's friends with a bunch of my friends who know, although they swear they haven't said anything to him. It should be ok.
He said that you have been secretive lately. Use it as an opening to him. Maybe he suspects something.
