Homophobic Family Members

I know what your going through. My mom's entire side is in the ministry (they own a ministry) and they are all very homophobic. There really isn't anything you can do about the reactions; you can only control your reactions. Yes, you will probably get some less than pleasurable responses, but it is important that you make it clear that you are who you are, and that you still love them. Does that make sense?

 

My dad's side of the family is extremely homophobic, racist, sexist, etc. You name it, they are it. It's disgusting. Fortunately, I don't deal with them at all (my parents are divorced.)

Yet, you don't have this luxury. I suggest talking to your mom. Tell her that you don't want to come out to the extended family just yet. Tell her you're not ready and you don't want things to get ugly with the family.

And when you're ready to come out to them, I suggest writing a letter to them. It seems like the easy way out, but it seems as if they wouldn't let you say your piece in peace. You would most likely be insulted or attacked. It's impossible to argue with a piece of paper. Also, make sure your mom knows what is going on, that way she's not surprised with an onslaught of questions and/or anger.

I hope things get better for you and you can figure this out.

 

I've got tons of experience with family members like that. My own dad doesn't know, and boy will he be surprised, and probably angry. I asked him once what would happen if I was and let's just say his answer wasn't good. That was a long time ago and its worse now. I guess the only advice I can give is to hold your head high and accept that not everybody is going to be happy when you come out to them.

 

OH MY GOSH YES! I went threw the.same.exact.thing.

My piece of shit uncle doesn't care for me at all because he thinks Im the scum of the earth for being gay, and my grandma is overly religious. However I have learned to accept my uncle for what he is (a unhappy man, with nothing going for him, who will probably achieve nothing and end up alone and miserable for the rest of his life) and I have learned to appreciate my grand ma. She actually values my opinions enough to keep her's to herself. I can see sometimes it conflicts with her opinions, however grandparents have a way of surprising you. She went from a Baptiste to being a Methodist so that her religious views wouldn't conflict with her grandson.

So my advice would be to not be so worried about coming out. Even if she does hear the news somehow she will always love you. And as for your uncle, it doesn't sound like you two are that close to begin with, so whats the big deal what he thinks?

 

I have a very similar situation. My immediate family is supportive, but the extended family not so much. I'm not worried about them finding out, and if they do, then they'll deal with it. Hopefully they will be supportive when they find out. I'm waiting until I have a serious relationship with a guy to tell them. So for me, definitely not before college.

When you are ready to tell him, maybe your parents can help by talking to him seperately. Ultimately, with time, he will probably be accepting if you two are close enough, (and you are family). Sometimes it just takes time to think things over.

 

Yep, def know what you are going through.

My whole extended family is actually really freaking homophobic. I have heard horrible things from them and stuff like that, so I'm still nervous about telling them. My grandpa even says how proud he is that we don't have one single gay in the family. That one always makes me smile..

That being said, I did recently come out to my uncle who is really homophobic. He once actually said that he is glad DADT was repealed because now we can just kill all the homos faster... xD Surprise tho, when I came out to him he actually took it way better than I had thought. Granted, his own daughter also came out to him that week so he was more prepare for it, but at the end of the day he still gave me a hug and said he still loved me.

It just shows you that things aren't as hopeless as we think they might be. People hate homosexuals because they don't know any. They have this image of who they are and its all stereotype. Once someone they love comes out to them then they have to rethink everything they have thought about it int he past. Most people come around eventually so don't stress yourself too much over it

 

My Mom oddly enough is the one not fine with it, most of my family are okay, not sure about my grandfather though, my idiotic mother just told him without my permission, so yeah I think he's in shock and such...and I don't even know how to call or go see him to confront this.. :S

 

They are family, not potential boyfriends, so how relevant is your sexuality to them anyway?

 

Maybe eventually when you get to the point of coming out to your extended family just make it clear that you love them, and you dont want this to come between you. My brother and I had a similar relationship before I came out to him.

It gets better (and I know thats not what you want to hear, but its true)
he will love you, regardless. He may just be poor at handling things at first.

 

I get the family thing. My damn grandma (oxymoronic, but still) wont even listen to my discussions on animal rights: "God put animals on the Earth to feed us." Case closed, hallelugiah, praise to be! Anyway, I've only come out to one person and it sucked, so im goign to lay off the homo thing. Only thing is, she lives with us. Damn!

 

This is from 2011.